The Quiet

January looked a little different for me. It was a little quieter, and not for any particular reason and not really on purpose. A sense of quiet chose me more than I chose it. (And I’m so glad that it did.) I would rise to do “The Work”, and like an unexpected visitor, the Quiet came and sat next to me each morning, unexpected, bearing gifts I didn’t know that I needed.

I always rise early to do start my day in quiet, but even that often has a certain bustle about it. I want to do all the things and it often requires that I move through the day with purpose and efficiency.

I’m a hustler, a multitasker, a doer-extraordinaire. Once the day gets going, I’m usually running around, getting as much done as possible in any block of available time (plus five or ten minutes.) The same feeling often can creep into my “quiet time”. Is it the helper or the achiever in me, I don’t know. (But I do know that no matter how much I do, I still always see so much that I didn’t get to.) If my family sits down to watch a movie, I’m the one floating around in the background still trying to do “one more thing” while they call me over. Part of it is that I like to get things settled before I settle (anyone relate?) and yet there’s that part of me that also knows that once I sit down, sleep becomes eminent.

Yet lately, I’ve been sitting in the quiet a lot. With the Quiet. Especially in those early mornings when I have my own time and I’m “supposed” to be working, solo, on my goals and dreams.

For the last few weeks, I would sit down to work in the morning, and find myself just sitting and thinking and feelings for a very long time. I haven’t been doing it on purpose, trying to meditate or anything noble like that. I would sit to write my affirmations, my thankful list, the things on my heart, and any number of potential tasks listed out that apply to my goals. So many times I found myself sitting there, looking out, looking in, with only a few things written on the paper. I was unintentionally but definitely mulling things over. So many things. in my mind and heart.

Like rocks tumbling in a refinery, my thoughts and feelings tumble around in my brain. It’s as though the rocks are becoming smoother, loosing their jaggedness. The sharp edges are becoming more obsolete. I am processing through the workings of my heart, how I see things, how I think about them.

My brain is connecting, processing, and assessing so many different aspects of my life and my world. I feel so much in these times.

I write a bit here or there, but overall, not a lot of “work” was getting done. When I’d look at the clock, I would feel a little guilty to see what I hadn’t “done” much with those precious thirty, sixty, 90 minutes (so precious, right momma!?!) There wasn’t much to show for the time.

On paper, at least.

But then I remember that sometimes, that stillness IS the work.

Refining is happening in quiet. Because whatever it is that I think I’m doing- being a wife, a mom, a writer- BEING best comes from a place of understanding and clarity. That clarity of purpose comes from your heart, but it also needs your mind on board.

Sometimes you need to process through the jumble of your mind and heart intentionally. When you think through the day, the things, all the challenges both internal and external, you are processing things. We often do it without too much thought. The thoughts come in, they are accepted, filed away on auto pilot. Then we hold onto the emotions that are attached, and we move ahead on in our day, maneuvering our days with all the new baggage. We are accepting blindly the way that our brains are processing things.

Well, in order to show up and be your best, you can choose which ones to keep and which ones to toss.

THIS IS THE WORK.

You’ve got to choose, to sift through your experiences and how you’re processing them through the colander of your chosen beliefs. This is your chance to let the dirt and the mud and the yuck pass through, go back where it came from, get out of your head. Also, look for, and hold on to those gold bits. You are a prospector. A gold miner. You’re after your best life possible.

You can see most clearly in the quiet which thoughts aren’t serving you. You can think on purpose. You can choose how you look at things, if life is good or bad, if you’re the hero or the victim. You choose which thoughts to keep. And when you choose your thoughts, you are indeed, choosing and creating your life.

Who you are and what your life looks like is truly, actually defined by how you see it. How you choose to see it, consciously or not. Taking time to understand your world and yourself better, to breathe into the open spaces, will create more room for growth.

Whatever you are- a boss, a wife, a friend, a teacher, a daughter- if we want to be your best version, you have to decide every day to do that. In order to keep improving, we must do this heart work. This isn’t about over analyzing or being stuck in thought paralysis. It’s about slowing down and being still sometimes. Because sometimes processing things and thinking intentionally through your life is the most important work of all.

You know what’s so cool. After weeks of sifting, sorting, choosing (and choosing the good), I felt so much growth. After a little while, the work started pouring out again. And it was better, clearer, more refined. I could see that my work in several areas had improved, because I had allowed space for that work in the quiet. Some jagged edges were worn off, replaced with more smoothness. It felt as if some gold had been uncovered. Because some of those jagged pieces of my heart had been smoothed over, everything improved a little. Or a lot.

So yes, the quiet is work, too. And it is beautiful. Don’t forget, The Quiet and The Work are not enemies. They may seem like opposites, wrestling for our time and attention. But they’re not. They are brothers, two sides of the same coin.

The next time you sit down to do the Work and the Quiet knocks on your door, open it. Welcome the visitor. It’s where magic happen Where we pause from producing and we just be.

Quite ironically, it’s also very good for your work. Because it’s in being our best that we can do the best. The best work comes from your heart, through a clear mind. Take time to care for all of it.

Xox