Big prayers

I’ll admit.
Last night I had a real good cry over someone on the internet I never met. Well, but for a slight introduction there.

But it wasn’t what you might think. I wasn’t offended. They weren’t some big celebrity. Or even a feel good story.
It was just a girl who was some other girl’s best friend. She was diagnosed esophagus cancer and at 35, with a one month old baby, was told she had a year to live. The friend was looking for idea s to help make the time memorable, memorialize the mom.
Many chimed in with beautiful ideas. I couldn’t help add much to that but I asked for her name and told her I’d pray for her. And I meant it.
I set my alarm to go off at 8:05 am every morning to pray for Sarah.
And I did. Every time I saw it. Most prayers were brief. “Lord be with her.” “Lord reveal yourself to her.”
I meant to pop back in and check in -on her and the friend. Life gets busy and I didn’t yet.
Last night the friend popped up in my feed.
Her friend had passed.
She said thank you for all of the prayers and good ideas. She had run out of time to do them all 😭😭

One month and ten days after reaching out.
One month and ten days of the alarm.
One month of brief prayers.
And the young mom passed from this life.
I sobbed.
I don’t know her.
I don’t know the state of her heart or mind or soul when she passed.
Mostly, I don’t know if my prayers were enough.
😭😭

Friend I don’t want you to get this mixed up. I am not feeling sorry for myself. I am not being emotional. I just don’t know if I did my assignment well enough.
I thought I had more time.
Isn’t that how this life works anyway, though?

I had a good cry with the Lord. I didn’t know if what I asked for in prayer was “enough”. I mean it feels like I was just priming the pump in a way. If I had know…. maybe my prayers would have been more intense. If I had know the time was so brief, maybe my prayers wouldn’t have been.

None of us know these things. When where why how what.
I only know one. Who. Jesus.
And the more I talked about with him, bawled my way through the open night sky, the more I was reminded.
He doesn’t need big prayers.
He just needs an invitation.
And really, what bigger prayers is there than
“Lord, come.” “Lord, be.” “Lord, show.”
(I’m bawling all over again.)
Because He is so willing and He is so loving.
And don’t I think He will do it?
Don’t I think He was just waiting for an invitation?

I don’t know whatever happened with that friend. I don’t know how the story ended here or what her next chapter looks like. I just know that however “imperfectly” or “not enough” I did my small task, I know I did all I could really ever do.
I invited the Lord to go and do His.
And that, my friends, is the best thing we can ever do.

John 14:25-26 “But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you. I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.”
Holy Spirit, our advocate. Come and be with us, and teach us, show us how to pray. That no matter how big or small our words, to invite you in is all that we really need.