Time to get Off the bench

I’ve joked for years that I played the bench in soccer.  Which is basically a hundred percent true.  I practiced with the team, I did the drills, I ran the sprints, sometimes all uphill (ha!). 

One thing I did not to was get much playing time. 

And honestly, I was okay with that.  

See.  I didn’t get much playing time.  

So when I did, I didn’t really want and I didn’t know  what really do. 

I would be put out in forward position, which honestly, is reserved for the stars.  I knew who those were on our team, and I for sure, wasn’t one. 

When I was out there, I could feel the eyes on me, and I didn’t really like it.  I didn’t thrive on the spotlight.  And even if in my wildest  imagination, I might score a goal, nothing like that ever come close to panning out.  

Though other people sometimes wondered at why I never got called up much to go in, I didn’t really doubt the why.  Though on some level I might agree that it didn’t seem a fair distribution, I also didn’t really feel ready.  I wasn’t sure I had it in me. (Maybe that was part of the problem.  I don’t know.. )

But the less time I would play out there, the less I would feel ready to do it. 

Senior year I sat out all together.  It was a big fall, we were moving out of the home I grew up in, my mom was getting married (to another friend’s dad! We were about to go from soccer players to sisters.) I didn’t really have time for a game.  Or to practice one I wouldn’t really play anyway.  I had a life to wrap up and relocate. 

So I really sat the bench that year and I was totally fine with it.  Though I did miss the action and the workouts, not that much.  

Years later in college, we got into a streak of playing coed soccer down the road.  These were the former stars from their towns, and some of them were really good.  It was always a fun time to go watch or maybe even play.  (Except that one time I  ended up in the hospital from being on the sidelines, but that’s another story. Ha!)

I remember not wanting to play most of the time.  Like I said, these people were good.  It felt like a lot of pressure to go out there among them, and I’m not really the spotlight girl.  Certainly no soccer star. 

I remember one time I did.  For some reason.  Maybe they were low on people. I don’t know.  But as I played forward, not hoping to actually get the ball, I did what I knew.  I’d drop back.  Or head in front of the goal. All in response to the person who did have the ball.  I remembered the drills. I was a good supporter.  

I tried to act calm and just do what I knew.  In fact I’d be happier to do that, than have all eyes on me, hoping myself I could manage the ball with enough aptitude  to not loose it or fumble about.  (I know, fumble is a football term. Or supposed to. What can I say – it’s how I felt out there!) 

Anyway.  I did my thing that time, opting for really good backup and support, running the drills I knew I could and that I knew to be true. 

And wouldn’t you know, one of the guys came over to me after and told me that I was one of the best girls that ever played out there.  Now I don’t know if it was because he liked me or something, but he told a very convincing story.  He said I was the third best, actually, only to one really good star from Canada, and my sister.  Even though I didn’t quite believe it, it was a huge compliment.  For me at least.  I didn’t need to be the best.  I probably, no, never, never would be.  I wasn’t supposed to be in this game.  It wasn’t “my” main  thing.  I was only supposed to show up and do my best if I could.  

That day. Or any day. 

My friend went on the explain.

“What made you good was that you knew exactly where to go, you knew what to do.  I’d look for where I needed you to be when I had the ball, and you’d already be there.  It was incredible!” (Okay, maybe I’m making up the word incredible. But with his emotion, it was something like that.) “You’d drop back or pull left.  It was awesome. I’ve never seen any girl play like that.  You might not be the quickest or have the foot skills like those other two girls.  But you’re an asset to have out there. Because you know where to go.  You know how to play.”

It’s true I might not  know how to score.  I might not know how to really play in a forward position, with eyes on me, placing the ball in that big beautiful net.  But I knew how to be somewhere that was needed, and I knew how to run and I knew how to try and support.  

There are a lot of ways to BE of service, in any place, that are invaluable, and they are not all the usual way you think.  

I don’t like the thought of being a “star”- soccer or otherwise.  

I’m fine with not ever being handed the responsibility of being out front.  

I hate the thought of actually being handed  a microphone  or being out on the front lines, of anything.  Even though I might have so much bubbling in my heart.  I don’t want the spotlight.  That’s for sure.  

But yet I feel called to lace up now too. 

To move my self into a new era of movement and activity.  Do you? 

I have also joked, for the last few years that, twenty years after Bible college, I finally felt dusted off.  Called off the bench.  I had a lot to learn. A lot more heart work to do.  And I was and am totally fine with that.  In fact, a part of me would still like to stay out of the lights and the full action.  It’s cozy on the bench sometimes.  

But it’s not just about me   And it’s not just about you either.  

There a lot of people being called off the bench right in this season. 

We weren’t interested in or even meant to be “stars”. But we were called to shine and support and actually be in the game.  We have a party to play, a job to do.  There will be ways you are called to support others, but you were never meant to be a second rate role in your own life. You were made to shine your finest.

All that practice and time and effort wasn’t for nothing. Neither was the waiting. You weren’t called because you want to be the star.  You were called because you don’t.  

And still.  Now, it’s your time, to shine.

When coach calls you off the bench,  don’t worry.  Try not to be afraid. You weren’t meant to stay there anyway, no matter what anyone else said to you.  Even you.  

It doesn’t have to look like you think or fear that it should. 

And it’s about time.