taking the time

We sat at a big farmhouse style table, each of us taking up exactly the space that we needed- no more, no less. We had picked out treats that we each would want (mine was a power bowl from my rarely missed, but missed today lunch, a chocolatey cake of some kind for my son, and a duo of macarons for my daughter.) There were no papers on the table, no homework pulled out to do. All that we had the one new chapter book we’re reading together, just in case we felt like reading it. There were no dishes just an arm’s length away that vied for my attention or a dog that paced back and forth to go out the door. The only “distraction” was a call from Daddy -also known as my husband – who called just to check in. Though truthfully, was no distraction in any way.

This was his idea after all, as we were planning out our day. We weren’t exactly sure what to do in that awkward time between school being out and afternoon activities commencing. Sometimes we go to the library, or home, or the playground. This day was too cool and didn’t seem any of the above mentions. He said, “why don’t you go get a treat and sit down together at a coffee shop?” This was something we had done recently, to celebrate my birthday and I had thoroughly enjoyed it. But I also tend to be more practical these days with our time and our resources, so I usually opt not for that extra expense of either.

However, hearing the suggestion come from him, my husband and the breadwinner in the family right now, it hit different, but in a good way. I aim to be careful and thoughtful with how I choose to run my end of the business of family things. So his suggestion was a warm welcome from my relative frugality. It didn’t seem frivolous anymore, it seemed right and good. There’s a whole lot to that series of statements, I know, but for now, we’ll just stick to the main of the story I’m telling you here. Bottom line, we decided to go out to a coffee shop and spend that time together, and he called to see how it was going.

“Well, really,” I sighed, “it’s great! I’m not running around and doing any work. I’m just sitting here with our kids and we’re talking.” It was a really, really good sigh! Lighter, brighter than the usual way of things. “And you know what? It feels wonderful.”

Good!” he cheered from across town. “You should do that more often!”

He’s right, and now, I know it. (See honey, now you have it in print!) Maybe not necessarily going to get a treat at the coffeeshop, but going somewhere just to “BE” together.

See, the thing is, sometimes I don’t do things like that. Go out to get a “treat” “just because”. I spend a great deal of my time “at home”, or working from home, or returning home. Juggling the house, the kids, my coaching, volunteering at school and helping with faith classes, doing all the normal things of my life, and often running back and forth from home multiple times a day. I love it, but sometimes, being home (one of my favorite places to be!) can feel like work. Which, truthfully, mostly I love, but not always. I don’t really mind the hard work, I’m good for that.

It’s just that “the work” of it all, the work of “home” never seems to clearly end. There’s always more, or something else, “to do”.

Then what I really don’t love about being home sometimes is that while I’m home, I can know, see, or sense the projects that I “should’ be doing, need to be doing, or maybe want to do.

That makes it hard, because it’s really hard to turn those things off sometimes when they’re staring you in the face, screaming from the next room, or just an arm’s length -and a big tug of guilt- away. (Like that missing sink and dishes from the scene above!) There’s always more work to be do, and being at home reminds me of that. Not to mention, it also creates more sometimes! Not that any of its a bad thing. It’s just the stuff of life.

So that can mean that sometimes I have trouble settling down while those things persist. Though I’m not a perfectionist of any kinds, I can just as easily be pulled into the trap of more work as the next one. That can take me away from doing the one thing I find most valuable and important in life. Spending time with my kids.

Do you ever feel that way too? Well friend, you’re not alone. I think we all should remember, just like I did that day in the cafe, that the distractions will always be here. Those things that are the stuff and the tasks of life. But our kids won’t always be there, not in the same way. One day we might look back on our life and wonder. Wonder why we didn’t go and sit down with our kids more often. Not just sit but sit and talk. Listen. Look them in the eyes, hear their stories without them having to shout it over our shoulders while we did something else, kind of a thing. I’m just as guilt as the next guy.

I’ll tell you right now why it happens. Because we forgot. It’s human nature, to forget, sometimes, the things that mean the most or that will make the biggest difference in this world. That’s just the way things go. There are more distractions than we can shake a stick at, and many of them want to keep us from the very most important stuff. Like the times when we just sit and listen and talk with and connect to other people. That’s all-to-easily pushed aside and bullied away by “more important things” (see how I put that in quotes there?) – like laundry and dishes and to do lists. Listen I know that we all need those things too. We need them to work well and effectively and together.

But we don’t need them at the expense of other people.

We all forget sometimes. Sadly, at the expense of other people. We’re all in this thing together. This human, stumbling, tripping way of running our race.

Remember, forget, remember, forget. And as many times as I need to remind myself and remember and be reminded, I will try. Because yesterday’s, and last week’s and last year’s time being together, it was great, but it only got us so far. We’re here now, and we want it to go further. So we’re going to have to do more of that connecting. We’re going to have to do it again, on repeat. Making the most of our time, for the days are like fleeting specks of gold.

Maybe I’ll take them out for a coffee or tea or hot chocolate again today. Or maybe I’ll just pretend we are out and ignore all the other “pressing” things for a while. Because these people right here are what’s most important. Someday I might be begging them to come back. If I play my cards right now, and invest the love and the time that I have right here with them, maybe we both will, or maybe we’ll just keep right on doing it. For it will only grow, if we let it, and we’ll both want to make more use of its goodness. Of our time and our resources, for isn’t it, and especially our time, the most precious thing?

Yes, it is. Using it wisely, that’s courting extraordinary. I want to do lots more of that…