I’m Not Really The Cool Mom (or, what to do if you’re not sure you belong)

Have you ever started something new, with great excitement and a deep sense of purpose, only to arrive on the scene and suddenly feel like changing your mind? Even though you felt so determined upon arriving, once you had a chance to look around you started to seriously question the whole idea. Well, I bet the better question isn’t have you, because who hasn’t ever felt like that. The real question is, what should you do when you’re not sure you belong.

Starting new in this world of blogging, I kind of didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I didn’t follow any blogs on the regular. I was only sort of was on Instagram over the years, a slight dabble here and there. (Early on I discovered an interesting hack that the app would let me take pictures, somehow miraculously save them when my camera roll was otherwise full, and still keep them private.) I only stumbled upon these things from time to time, clicking links, getting recipes, finding the occasional article. So I didn’t know how impressive and expansive this ecosystem of bloggers and influencers really was. That’s probably a good thing. Because if I had, I’m not sure I would ever have even showed up.

When I really started connecting, it was eye opening, to say the least. I hadn’t comprehended the magnitude of pretty darn perfect, the amount of “fancy” and “fantastic” that I’d find there. Sometimes I see the perfectly styled photos and the lives documented so beautifully, and I wonder…

What am I even doing here?

Now, to be clear, I love my life, I think it’s so beautiful. But in the world of professional photos, gorgeously styled people, houses, and lives so it seems, it feels funny to put myself out there sometimes. I know the beauty in my own life, but sometimes it seems lost a little in translation when I take the pictures or go to share.

It feels vaguely familiar.

It’s like I’m the 13 or so year old girl who walks into a party, feeling so good about herself, her outfit, her potential to make friends and have an awesome time. She arrives in excitement, only to push though the door and find that everyone’s better dressed, better looking and clearly have it more together than her. She feels, well, amateur in comparison.

She looks down at her second-hand formal dress dress and realizes how outdated and immature it really is. The lighting in her room made that her feel so good anout her makeup and about herself clearly isn’t the same as the lighting in this fancy space. Now her details don’t quite seem measure up.

Have you ever felt that way?? Maybe you’re in a new space or place and, even though you came with purpose and thought you could belong. But now that you’ve arrived you wonder if you really do belong.

I step through the door and see my faults, my shortcomings.

She turns to go, feeling less than, and not a little inferior. But no. Something stops her in her just barely cool enough hand me down shoes. Her heart beats boldly in her chest, even if not unafraid. She has something to say. She has something to share. She was going to make friends, she was going to connect. She planned to laugh, she was maybe even going to cry. She knows that she has something to offer. She’s a great friend and she has good things in her heart, things worth giving and sharing.

I’m not the coolest mom, or the hippest girl in general. I don’t listen to all the newest music, I’m not wearing the trends until they’ve managed to trickle downstream a bit to my line of vision. I don’t do my hair most days (so many ladies seem to, every day, and even make their messy buns look amazing!). I’m fit-ish, and proud of some of my accomplishments, but I have too many flaws and bumps to mention, both seen and unseen.

It’s not just the cool things, though. It’s all the areas where I don’t see myself quite measuring up.

I’m not as good of a mom as I aspire to be every day, I’m not patient as I always want to be. Im not as consistently amazing as I’d love to be with every meal from my kitchen or as perfect as I’d like to be with the laundry room, or most any room, really. I don’t always follow through the way I would like to, and too often I’m running a few minutes late.

My house isn’t a decorator’s show piece. (Though we recently did go through a kitchen remodel, coincidentally right around the time I was trying to get this blog off the ground. I love our new space and loved the process, and will happily share about that with anyone who wants to listen.) We aren’t crazy DIYers over here with a list of upcoming projects. My husand won’t be taking pictures of me for Instagram, and I won’t be sharing pictures of my kids. I already got married and styled my baby bumps (both of which seem to be some of the hottest trends.)

I know you probably started making a mental list of your flaws while I did there, too. We all have them. We all have things that might ‘disqualify’ us or keep us stuck if we let them.

All these things can cause us to pause. To think about turning and walking back out the door, the girl in her dress again.

“Do I even belong?”

But yet, the truth is, these flaws do not diminish you or me, they do not make us unworthy in any way, or incapable of going after, or experiencing something new.

We are not called to something new- a relationship, a job, a career, a dream- because we are perfect. We are called because we ARE. We are, already, enough for what lies inside of the door we are walking through. And not only that, you are enough to share. You will grow and evolve and continue to develop. But you are already enough, at the start.

So this is a reminder for you (and for me.)

-If you are in, ever have been in, or are thinking about being in new situation…. If find yourself trying to figure things out, to see if you measure up… if, based on new-to-you metrics you question whether you have any value to add….if you find that others are already doing it, and doing it so well…if you wonder if you’re good enough…

Let me say…sis, you belong. You have value to add. You are enough. No matter what your eyes might see, no matter what your judge mental self might try to tell you otherwise.

Where your heart wants to go, you belong. Even if it’s doesn’t feel or look to you like you do. You belong where you’re headed. That’s why you want to go there in the first place. Your heart told you to go. (So listen to it, and stop listening to your mind that will tell you all the reasons why not.) Because you have something unique and special and lovely to share with your corner of the world, and maybe even beyond. You don’t need to be perfect to start, or picture perfect to continue. You just have to be you.

When you do something or start something new and feel a little like a fish out of water, it’s so important to connect with why you started. (Especially when things look different than you imagined or you feel differently than you imagined.). You shouldn’t spend all of your time trying to learn the ecosystem (aka, to fit in. Because you weren’t meant to.) If you do, you might forget why you came in the first place. You have to remind yourself of what it is you came for, what you have in your heart to add to the experience, and what is most valuable to you, both to extract from and add to the experience.

(Remember, you are enough, darling!)

Even if she isn’t as cool or as beautiful or as advanced as the other girls. She knows deep in her heart (thanks to her mom and her camp counselor and her prayers echoed back from God, all which all told her) that she belongs anywhere she wants to. And tonight, she can belong here. Not to fit in, not to prove anything . But because she has something to offer in this little corner of the world. And that it’s one of the most truly beautiful things in the world, connection and heart.

I didn’t come to be a fashion blogger or a style maven (obviously!) I didn’t come to share every detail of my life. (I have learned a few good things along the way, though, and I am the girlfriend that will tell you about the new camisole that she loves, that great kitchen tool, her favorite shoes or cheap glasses. I’ll share a favorite book or a recipe that I love.). But I’m so extremely ordinary. Maybe that’s the exact value that I have to share. I came to this space because I want to share heart talk, to write words that encourage, because I care deeply. Because we all need reminders to go after the best things in life, and because the best things in life have more to do with being your best and not having the best. I’m like a cheerleader on the sidelines, the girl who can’t help but see your struggles and say “you’re OK! You’re doing great! You’re more than enough!“

I’m here to share myself even when it’s not Insta-lovely. (So I should probably stop worrying about not being insta-lovely enough.)

I’m not trying to be anyone but myself, and I’m pretty darn happily me, most of the time, especially when I’m not scrolling Instagram (ha! That’s the edge of the sword right there.)

I’m here because you are too. I’m here because I know that life doesn’t happen in a bubble, and nothing that we experience should be wasted, forgotten or under appreciated. We’re here, together. It’s what matters most, these human connections.

“Joy shared is doubled, and pains are cut in half.

I want to remind you that you’re not alone, in so many ways. In your feelings of self-doubt, and not thinking you measure up to the people you see around you. I want to remind you today that you are enough. Enough of whatever it is you think you actually are lacking. Good enough to walk through that door, and good enough to show up. What is lovely and amazing is already inside of you.

But also, darling, you’re more than enough. Enough is full to the brim, within its own limits. You are more than enough. You are abundant, and overflowing. The things you’ve learned and experienced, give them away. They were never meant to be yours alone. In love and in community we are meant to share.

Even if we’re not all “the cool moms”, or styled enough or hip enough, or patient enough, or organized enough, we are all enough. I hope that we can all show up for our lives, our dreams, our people, and ourselves, by remembering this Truth.

Now, reminiscent of that 13 year old girl, **Hikes up her “good enough” dress, pushes through the door, glancing back over her shoulder at you..***

I’m going to this party and I’m going to have a great time. I’m going to laugh and kick up my heels and tell stories and joke and maybe even cry a little. Because it’s our party and it’s our lives and we’re supposed to enjoy it.

Care to join me?!!!

(Also, it should be noted, my adult me will meet you in there. We can drink wine and dance while the kids are asleep. Or we can go to bed early. I’m totally down with that too.)