This I Can Confirm (it’s all about Him)

One thing that happened over my break/fast  from social media was something glorious.  It didn’t stem from those forty days, it was a lot longer of a journey than that, but its culmination happened towards the tail end of it. It’s something some of you may know about,  some of you may be surprised to hear, and maybe, others might be surprised that it wasn’t actually true yet. Either way, it’s okay and good, and I’d like to share a little of the journey with you, if you’ll care to hear. This Easter weekend I was confirmed into the Catholic Church.  

I’ve been going to mass for the last, almost 23 years, since I started dating my husband.  I was raised Protestant, mostly, though I was Baptized Catholic, and I remember going to mass as a young kid.  After my parent’s divorce and my mom’s sadness with everything that happened, she continued going to church but joined a separate Bible study. Even though it was a woman’s Bible study, she really met a man that changed her life.  Jesus! She knew Him, of course,  over the years but something changed when she really got to know Him there, surrounded by a group of wonderful women in the next town over.  They welcomed her warmly, and all became a second family to us.  

We stopped going to Catholic mass shortly after that and started attending a different non- denominational church.  Away from the pain and story of her upbringing years, God continued to  meet my mom in new ways.  That set me up to meet Him too, from a very young age.   

Somewhere in that transitions time I “met Him” deeply, at a passion play. I was overcome at the sight of Him on the cross and His  unimaginable love.  I “gave my life” over to the Lord, as much as that is possible at the age of four. Since then, Jesus has always been THE MOST important person in my life- even if I forgot at times or acted like this wasn’t really the case.  He never forgets a promise.

He’s been my ever-faithful companion since.  I went to Bible college, attended Sunday school and Christian school from sixth grade on up.  I held my of my own misunderstandings about the (many!) different denominations over the years.  We each tend to think that we are or have the right ones. I had acquired misperceptions about Catholics or that particular church  over the years myself, which I’m sad to admit.  But any “accusations” could be made about any person in any church- if one cares to do that kind of thing.  

Where our feet go doesn’t matter as much as where our heart does, every day. Whatever seat we take on a Sunday doesn’t matter any more than the one we take to sit or stand in judgement, or to kneel in grace before.

God doesn’t check the sign on a church door  before He comes to meet us, or to woo you.  He isn’t bothered by our own hang ups or pre-conceived notions.  He breaks down, breaks through ALL the barriers in our minds -and hearts- if we let Him.  He shows up at Catholic Church and Protestant church and temples and synagogues.  He even shows up at bars and bowling alleys and anywhere people are, because He cares that much.  Nothing can stop His pursuit of us.  It’s only when we allow Him in that He expands to fill US, whatever and wherever we are.  

It took me a long time to really realize this.  To break down some of my own pre-conceived notions or built up ideals.  It really didn’t matter if I checked all the right boxes, the ones that people pointed out, or proposed to be the most important. That would only PERHAPS, set me up to know Him more.  I could only KNOW HIM more-  if I let myself.

So when I met a wonderful man, who loved his parents, loved God, and loved me, plus he lived a whole-healthy lifestyle, it felt like a grand trifecta.  And it was.  But questions came.  “Isn’t He Catholic? Aren’t you Protestant?”

Even though it looked like a stumbling block at first glance, and maybe even second and third, I couldn’t shake the feeling that this may be right, good, and exactly where God was leading us. To build life together, even if we didn’t totally “match up” in all the details. Did we really have to?

 I remember the exact moment where he asked me what my family thought. I knew they thought a lot of things or at least had questions.  ‘What would this look like later when you have kids? And how would this work?”

In that moment I decided that I wasn’t going to let other people’s questions or hangups, or worries even become my own. I knew that this thing, this relationship, this person right in front of me, had more potential than any labels we each came into it with.  We shared the same Jesus and somehow He would make our paths- our path, potentially- beautiful and right. I didn’t have to figure it all out. I let go of some things, mostly a need to control, I  followed my heart. I was right, and it was good.  

We got married in the church.  The same one his parents were married in. We have always attended catholic mass. I have found it comforting, and sacred- a quiet, holy practice of my faith.  I felt the Lord deeply most times.  I’d be the one quietly crying and keeping it together, letting my silent Protestant ways sneak out.  I didn’t miss some of the activity and circumstance of the more charismatic service that I went to.  I found that the quieter masses suited me, a recovering student and participant of much more dramatic spiritual exercises.  Not saying that either were right or wrong, good or bad, it was just me.  I found God in the more solitary walk through the church experience the next 20 years or so. Or really, He found me. As He is apt to do.  God remained so real, most important, always my life line.  Sometimes even my first stop (notice the tongue in my truthful, humbled, bitten cheek.)

 Through varying degrees and twists and turns of life and my own experiences, God always remained my confidant and The True North of my soul.  I always loved Him- even if sometimes more passionately than others.  It is Him who remained constant.  He met me in mass, He met me as I was driving or running or walking or working.  He loved me always, and He truly listened.  He always always always cared for me, and most of the time, I saw it. 

There’s a lot of healing that has to happen for us in life I think, a byproduct of being human and misunderstandings and misalignments.  We are constantly bombarded with less-than stories and soliloquies that try to omit God from our thoughts and minds.  Our hearts are ever wandering, looking for the One who loves us, and seeks us still.   We get a little off track sometimes, or a lot.  I’m so grateful that we don’t have to wait for Him to love us.  Because He already- and always- does.  What unimaginable grace. What an unfathomable way. 

So over the years, as God has always pursued me, I went through my own highs and lows of distraction and blessings and heartache, I felt comfortable there in those pews, and only vaguely wondered if I’d ever “join the church”.  They have rules about communion, you see, and good or bad from anybody perspective, you’ve gotta respect that they have a process.  (Heck, you have to jump through more hoops to get a license  than you do to take communion in so many places.  Good or bad, most people don’t understand what it’s all about or even means. I respect that the Catholic church wants to maintain that it to mean something, and wants you to enter into communion that goes beyond just “taking communion.”  It is a sacred thing, and body of Christ that we’re talking about, after all.)

So there is a process – of affirmation and conversion in a sense, (though I don’t feel like I’ve “converted”, but I’m becoming, more of what Christ wants for me to be.) There is a real discipleship that happens, and if you choose to go through the process, you are welcomed with open arms (and I can see that as true, no matter where you are when you start).  

This process, called RCIA, it is purely voluntary, it requires self reflection and study, as well as prayer and seeking God.   Whatever the outcome one may think that they seek in life necessarily, that process is a very good one!! He will often take us places we don’t expect.

Well, in the years of attending mass, I would talk with the Lord during communion.  We communicated about it.  I occasionally even took it, though I knew I wasn’t exactly “supposed to.” Most of all, I always understood and knew, that IF it was ever time to commit to the process or think about going through it, I would *know*.

 That time never came until the morning of our daughter’s first communion.  As I stood there, fully supportive, and deeply involved in her faith journey and discovery, I crossed my hands over my arms.  I knew the process she had just gone through, and I knew it would be a disservice to take it myself with  going through it too.  Properly, personally,  myself.  

I can’t describe it except to say that in that moment I felt like the men walking to Emmaus.  My heart was burning within me.  I said those words later, even to describe it. What I forgot was, the men walking with the resurrected Jesus were some of His believers, His disciples (even though not one of the twelve.) They didn’t recognize Jesus even as they talked about Him and what had happened.  In the next scene they were all back in the upper room together and when Jesus broke the bread and gave them the wine, THAT WAS WHEN THEY SAW and RECOGNIZED HIM.  

It is not lost on me that this all was happening as I was, walking close with the Lord, closer than ever maybe. I was sharing about Him, writing, teaching, and talking about Him. I was, meeting with Him every day myself, in a real and profound way. As I walked, I met Him more and more.

So I guess in a way this Emmaus story feels a bit like my story, too.  I keep meeting Christ along the way. He keeps revealing Himself to me in new ways, and I am forever grateful. It’s been a long journey, and I’m a slow learner, but I am grateful for His timing, and for the ability to come into full communion in a church and a community that has grown so dear to me.

I’ll be finishing the journey of almost a year- from burning heart, to deciding, to following through.  To meeting, to joining others along the way, discussion, prayer and study.  Now, we’ll all be ready for full communion, from Easter, onward.   There are people of all stages and types of background in my group this past year.  Some were raised without religion, or baptized in another denominational, or raised in the church but not confirmed- any number of scenarios, different for each person. For a variety of reasons and circumstances, each one of us wanted to fully participate now in the Catholic Church and in the sacraments. One of my favorites stories is one of the gentleman among us who is so smart and studied.  In all of his study of philosophy, he found that there really was something about this God and the Jesus found in the Bible. He googled churches near him and found his way to a pew that I share often.  God in His great love, is actively at work! 

I’ve leaned a lot, shed even some more misperceptions, and realized that we are the Church, we all are a part of  body of Christ.  

No matter what kind of pew we sit in.  

No matter what the sign on the door of the church.  

No matter our talents or giftings.  

No matter our disagreements or struggles.  

We work well when we work together.  When we recognize Jesus, standing and walking right beside us, holding and drawing us all together- closer to Himself.  There are “cradle Catholics” and there are wandering Protestants and there are wandering Methodists.  

 I don’t care what you call yourself or what church you go to necessarily.  Just that you meet and follow that guy.   The main on, Who is Jesus. When we can see and recognize Him, that is the One, the main thing, the Truth that heals us and binds us all together, if we’ll allow. That is what really matters, more than any of the details we get so easily caught up arguing over. He binds us together in His more perfect Love.

So here I am now with my family, able to more fully participate in an expression of faith, our expression.  I’m tucked in here between the years our two kids will or did take  their first communion, and that feels really special.  The parents don’t always have to be the ones that lead.   This is where God has me, where He has us, and I’m so grateful for it all. Grateful for the community, for the journey, that I didn’t resist it or pump the brakes, even if it took me a while to get “here.”

 I didn’t have to figure it all out, God already did.   I just had to stumble, trip my way back to follow His heart – which is always beating.  That wants us all be together, in Him.  

This doesn’t  mean that I think you or anyone else needs to follow me “to the Catholic Church”.  I think that you should follow Jesus- wherever HE leads you.  That’s the Divine alignment that matters MOST OF ALL. He knows where you’re destined for and to be- most of all WITH HIM.  The details-the what, where, when and how? They’ll figure themselves out.  Just keep finding and discovering, the true and loving God who sees you and who has a plan for your life.

His plans are so good.  Wherever He leads you, I know truly, that the body of Christ, we will cheer one another on.  We will recognize one another more- not for what the name we give ourselves or what it says on our church door. But for the Christ that draws us, to Himself and one another.  The Christ that lives inside of us, that wants us to be one, in Him.  A part  of the Church, His body, and hopefully a part of a community that He has for you, wherever we are.  

Don’t be afraid, don’t get caught up in the less important details.  Just keep following Him, for He knows the way.  He knows how to sort us all out. 

The verse comes to mind, that’s tucked in at the very end of the book of John, where some of the disciples were asking about the “beloved” John. Jesus says “if I wanted to remain alive until I return, what does it to you? As for you, follow me.”  There were misinterpretations about that two sentence phrase.  It says in the next verse that rumors spread and they wondered if John might not ever die. “But that isn’t what Jesus said”  the scripture confirms.  In all of the arguing about the details, they forgot the most important part.   “As for you, follow Me.”

I care about your soul, but I’m not concerned with denominations so much. I just know that He is so faithful and so kind and so very good. I hope that you can find and follow Him, more deeply, too. Wherever He’s leading you, or will. He doesn’t have any of the prejudices or worries or doubts that we pick up along the way.  

Let’s meet Him again at the foot of the cross, and lay it all before Him there. Where He defeated death and hell, and anything less than Love. That’s what matters most of all.

And, I truly hope to see you “there”!!!