“Motto? What’s a motto?” “What’s a matter with you?” Anyone recognize these lines from a classicDisney movie? My kids and I were listening to the Lion King music the other day as we played in the basement. I laughed out loud at this interchange. I mean, those two words are so closely connected it is somewhat comical.
While I laughed at the irony, my daughter, age 3, was genuinely confused. “What is a motto, Mommy?! Or a matter? Wait, what did they say?!” Well dear, let me explain.
Much like the the silly interchange between characters suggests, mottos deal with what matters (or what’s the matter.)
“What do Daddy and I always say, sweetheart?” “Eat your vegetables?” “Well, yes, that ones good, too. But the other one.” “Oh, ‘Work together!’ ”
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“Yes, that’s the one. That’s our family motto. It’s what we do. It’s who we are as a family. We work together.”
I laughed because the motto did come from a time of transition for our family. Our family motto organically developed shortly after we became a family of four (where the rubber meets the road, no?). It was a time of shifting our processes, making room for another life, another person. And not just that, but actually making them a part of our core group. That is no small task. No matter how much you love and adore this new baby, things have to shift.
I think the phrase may have started with my husband. It definitely became more ingrained with his strong manly voice. (I mean, when dads talk, kids listen, am I right?!) But no matter where it came from, it became our way of getting through the sticky spots.
“Work together” was whispered when the toddler wanted to be where the baby was in mommas arms.
“Work together!” was said more firmly when emotions maybe started to get a little big. (Not sure if that was more for the toddler or the emotional post partum mom).
“Work together!” was said boldly when we were moving out for an adventure of some kind or another, like a trip to the park across town or even a long road trip to the beach.
We somehow started hearing ourselves say this motto, over and over again.
It became a simple phrase to remind us of what mattered, to keep us focused. It was also a phrase that could tackle what might be the matter at any given moment.
Troube figuring something out or sharing? Trying to do a task that will move is forward? Work together!
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We needed everyone to work together in a new way from here on out, to make this new phase, this new season, and our new normal, a success.
I’ll tell you what. It helped so much. It still does. It’s also a whole lot better to shout out a positive affirmation of what we DO and who we ARE, instead than shouting out what we don’t. It’s such an amazing difference to combat what you don’t want by contradicting it with what you do.
We LOVE. (Stop yelling!)
We’re KIND. (Don’t be mean!)
Work together. (Don’t be selfish.)
We need buy in, we need teamwork. Work together is our family motto. Our mission statement. It guides us in our God given purpose, together and separately. No one can or should do it alone, and so we work together to support each other, as we each chase after who we’re meant to be and what God has for us. We aren’t afraid of hard work to get there, and we want to think of and love others along the way.
So what’s your family motto? If you don’t have one yet, you should try finding one. Either as a family or by yourself, think about what you want most in your family. What’s most important? Maybe even what is missing right now? Kindness? Hard work? Love? Creativity?
Then reverse engineer it. Find a short, positive phrase that you too can yell when your kids are whining. 😉. But Seriously. Find one that you can say over and over, in a variety of situations, in a variety of ways. One that is a touchstone that you return to, that leads you back to the core of your values.
I can’t wait to hear what your motto is. One matters to you and maybe helps with what might be the matter. One that gives your family a guide and a goal. One that is whispered and stated, even echoed back from tiny voices.
It’s more than just words, it’s who you are. It’s who you’re becoming more every day, together. And that’s what matters.
Friends! We finally have it— all of that quality time that we crave with our kiddos! Yahoo! Then why are we also so terrified and slightly overwhelmed? Because it’s. So. Much. Time. What will help the most right now is establish a sense of both calm and structure that will help things to run as smoothly as possible in your home.
I’m here to help as best as I can. Since I’ve been a nanny for over 20 years, I like to say that all that time doesn’t make me an expert, but it sure gave me a great amount of experienced. With so many hours under my belt, filling in full days at home, I learned what was most important through trail and error. So I thought I’d share the most important nuggets. Because in unsure times, especially ones with inherent lack of structure, these ideas can be invaluable for maintaining everyone’s sanity!
These are the thoughts, ideas, and overall strategies that will be most helpful now, to help you creating a sense of calm, structure and a even a little bit of wonder and enjoyment. ☺️🙏❤️ Try not to be overwhelmed by looking at the whole big picture. Break it into small moments of possibly instead of one gigantic piece of overwhelming responsibility all at once.
Establish and maintain family rules. You probably have them, and now is a great time to both revisit them and also to add in any new ones that you may need during this time. These are uncharted waters, new normals, and that may require some new groundwork (to deal with the new devils.). That’s okay. Our children may sense the changes or the unease, and we may need to be sure to extend a little grace and tenderness. But we also don’t want to allow that to cloud better judgement, and appreciate that they are incredibly resilient. Children (and adults!) still need established rules of human decency and kindness. When those boundaries are crossed, even in tough times, you need to make sure to reestablish them. Enforce and reinforce the rules as positively and consistently as you can. It helps maintain a sense of calm and order when you continue to have rules.
Set up some activities or plans. If your children are school age, this may be happening too much already. But if your kids are younger, like mine are, you may like to time block a variety of activities. Some people like to lay out entire schedules, and that’s great if it works for you. I’m more into time blocking with some structure and planning, with other times of unscheduled free time for spontaneity. I’ll set a timer for crafts and creativity, from 10-11 am for example, maybe a family walk at 2 pm, and a pre- dinner dance party at 5:00pm. Make sure to do it in a way that works for YOUR family.
Don’t totally isolate or disconnect. Call your family members. Check in on others and see how you can help. Maintain a sense of social connection, even if it’s not in person right now. Helping your family to daily think about, connect with and care for others is so important.
Have a family motto. If you don’t have one yet, now is a great time to establish one. Have a brainstorming session together. Figure out what your core values are. Then see if you can dial it in to one short sentence. Maybe it’s “We are kind” or “Go for it!” or “We Are Brave”. You can read more about ours, here. https://courtingtheextraordinary.com/a-family-motto/
Let your kids help. If you haven’t yet gotten your kids involved in chores or helping around the house, then there’s no time like the present!! Pass a microfiber wipe along to your little ones and let the magic of helping work for all of you. Make sure they clear their own dishes and throw away their own garbage. Even have them carry their clean clothes to their room after they’re folded. All of these things we started when our kids were two years old. They absolutely can and should do more than many of us are asking them to do on the regular.
Explore and adventure within your own home. This isn’t too hard for young ones to do usually. If you have littles, let them lead. But for all of us, let’s channel that awareness, perspective, and creativity. Explore different corners of your home. Sit in different spots, set up snuggles or play in new areas than usual. Create, laugh, pretend, and try to relax into it. Be as interested as possible. Being interested in life around you actually makes you more interesting. interesting.
Be creative every chance you get. Read your books. Draw, paint, make music. Bake or key your kids redecorate a space, even if only temporary.
Try to get your exercise every day. Make it one of your blocks of time. Parents and kids alike need to move their bodies. Get creative if you have to. Run in circles around the house, inside or out. Having jumping jack competitions, plan obstacle courses. Let your kids lead a “gym class”. Hike in the woods if you can. Do the dance parties. Explore online streaming workout videos. When you move, everyone is happier. You’ll all be more calm and relaxed if you can find ways to move your body throughout the day.
Be mindful, pray, or meditate each day. I love what Craig Melvin and his wife Lindsay do. They schedule in “God time” each day for their family. What a powerful way to connect as a family, and to connect with a greater sense of love and meaning. What better time to do it than right now. Do it with fervor, abandon, or stillness and peace. Just do it. It will help everyone- those you pray for, those you love, and you.
Instill, encourage, or even insist upon a nap time/quiet time for all. It may sound silly but it’s not, and I would be remiss to not mention it. Whether it’s rotating or all at the same time, it will benefit everyone to create a little healthy space. We all need quiet and silence sometimes, and especially now when we’re with the same people on repeat. The personal rest and reset can work wonders.
⭐️⭐️Heres the bonus tip you might not expect: Ignore your kids a little. Not only is it totally okay, it’s good for them. Let them be creative, give them the space to figure out themselves and one another. With a few guides and directed activities in the mix, it will create a great balance for them. (It’s also why I prefer a few time blocks a day as opposed to a full on structured schedule.) But however you choose, make sure you give them the space to really learn about themselves, too.
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These are incredible life opportunities for all of us. We have so much possibility to create a special time for our families as well as great growth opportunities for each individual and for your family as a whole.
If we can be calm and approach this thoughtfully and joyfully in our own homes, we will see the benefits of growth and positivity within our own four walls. Then, the ripple effect it can have on our communities, our countries, our world will be amazing. Don’t expect to be perfect. Just try to keep trying. This is the chance you’ve been waiting for. Go get it!
Stay well friends, in your heart, your mind, and your body. ❤️
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. You have this moment, right here.
That’s the only moment you’ve ever really had anyway.
No matter what tomorrow feels like or what unknowns, dangers, or changes possibly lie ahead, this has always been true.
I feel my heart rate accelerate as I sit and watch the news. It’s not something I enjoy doing too much right now. You might feel the same.
I treat it more like a reconnaissance mission. Get in, get what information you need, and get out. I also want to understand that so much that is happening right now is preemptive. On the offense. Defensively offensive and proactive. It’s being taken seriously so it can be taken care of well. Amazing health professionals are working diligently to understand, prevent, and provide treatment as necessary. Remember that.
And breathe.
Turn off the news. Try to turn it off in your head, too. Turn instead to your family, your children, your pile of unread books, an overlooked corner in your house, a forgotten part of your life. Take it in, dive in and soak up this moment right here. BE in your life right now. Breathe.
We are already mortal. We face unseen danger every day whether we know it or not. Our days are already numbered. We are mortal.
Don’t die a thousand scared deaths while you worry about what may come.
Try as best you can to love those around you. Everyone needs love and gentleness and encouragement. We have one another. We have a people and life we can love right in front of us.
Take care of the things you can control.
Wash your hands, wash your clothes, wash your phones and other surfaces.
Care for the health of yourself and your family. Feed and nourish yourselves well.
And that definitely includes your mind ❤️ Fill up on the good stuff. We all need it.
One of the most and best things you can do is to move your body. Sitting around and fretting is not only unproductive, it quite possibly the worst thing you can do for your health. Nothing makes you feel more anxious than inaction. Move your body. Take a walk. Get fresh air. And if you hate the idea of going to a gym right now, just remember that you can do a lot to move your body or break a sweat at home. (I’m a big fan of streaming videos or running back and forth in front of my house when I need to be home. I’ve logged a lot of miles that way over the years. Remind me to tell you about the time I ran 13!)
Moving your body is one of the best things you can do to reduce anxiety. This morning after turning off the news and writing my thoughts/feelings/ and decisions, I started out for my morning exercise. I started with a walk, and I thought that was what I was capable of this morning. It became a run and with each step I took, I could feel myself shed a little more anxiety.
Maybe it’s all that breathing that exercising makes you do. Or allows you to do. All I know is that it works amazing wonders for reducing stress and worry. And your heart rate after your done actually decreases. It’s a wonder drug. So please do that, on repeat.
Lastly, I wonder, am I the only one who wants to stockpile paper? And I don’t mean the bath times kind. I mean pads and pads of blank white pages, to fill up with stories and words and magic.
If there is either more time or less because of some crisis, I want to create till the words or the world runs out.
Ask yourself too, what can you create? What can you draw or paint or write. Can you make music or dance or bake? Maybe it’s with your kids or by yourself, but however you can, be creative. It’s one of your superpowers as a human. And it’s one of the most powerful and profound things that you can do for yourself, your family, and the world. To quote Jamie Lee Curtis in her amazing children’s books Is There Really A Human Race?, “Bring art to this space. And make the world more beautiful, for the whole human race.”
It’s not that we can’t do nothing. It’s choosing what to do. As my dad said yesterday, let go of what you can’t control. I agree. But by golly, I also believe you can put positive effort into what you can control. Like your own input and output.
And I believe so firmly that we all can use our influence wherever we are, to spread more love, thoughtfulness and intention. It’s a much preferred outcome than spreading fear and hoarding and scarcity.
So while it’s okay to dial some things in closer to home, don’t let your heart shrink in fear. Let it expand into your space, your home, yourself, your loved ones. Pray, move, breathe.
Release the negative. Breathe out the fear. Expand your lungs, increase your capacity for hope and take in love.
Isn’t it so hard to grocery shop effectively and stay on a budget? I mean, whyyyy?! Is it because the grocery stores are so beautiful and full of abundance? Is it those big roomy carts that make it so easy to fill them up? Probably. Is it because eating is a basic need, so the lines between actual necessity and perceived necessity becomes blurred? Also yes. It’s a lot to keep track of- the lists, your family’s requests, the cost. Add in those wriggling kids or the ticking clock to get back to them, and it all can have you feeling like you’re pretty much doomed seconds before you finish, if not before you even begin.
It’s hard to shop on a budget, for all of these reasons, as well as your own personal ones. But I guess what? It’s not impossible!! I, a long hold out, am finally doing it, and I’m going to tell you exactly how.
But first, you should know what this is not. This is NOT a super type-A plan with spreadsheets, lists, coupon hacks and detailed strategies. I’m not that girl. (I’m amazed at those who are, though, truly.)
This is more of the type B, casual girl’s guide to grocery shopping on a budget. The real life, busy momma, keep it simple, uncomplicated, somewhat streamlined guide to nailing your grocery budget- without overwhelming yourself with details. You’ll hear a few probably new and pretty easy tricks as well as the important mental shifts that will help you to do the same. This is the less rigid way of getting it done, the less pressure, more practical way, because that’s just who I am.
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You should know something else about me. I’m actually a very good shopper. (Aren’t so many of us, though 😉😂 !) I’ve also probably made more grocery store trips than your average bear, thanks to my job as a nanny. I’m both fast and efficient and that’s great if you’re on the clock.
However, speed and volume do not translate to efficiency and saving money. 🤣🤣 While they are fantastic for time management and productivity, it’s not so great when I’m on my own time and trying to be on a grocery budget. I found that I had a lot of work to do to dial in that total at the end of our receipt.
Maybe it’s a hazard of the job. Or maybe I was just wired that way. Maybe it was that dang television show. Say what? Can you take a little trip down memory lane with me for a minute? (Anyone born in the previous millennium will probably appreciate this.)
There was a show from the early 90’s that I love called Supermarket Sweep. Anyone remember it? The host was Mark somebody or other and I think it was maybe on Lifetime, or some random lifetime-ish channel. Contestants would have lists and tasks and perform a variety of shopping excursions while a clock kept time. There was running, there as buying, there was efficiency. I loved it! I knew even at a ripe young age that I could rock it. Turns out, I could. I would find this out later as an adult, where grocery shopping actually was a part of my actual job.
However, maybe that’s the problem. I have tackled many shopping trip with the enthusiasm of the last challenge- get as much as you can as quickly as you can. I have sometimes laughed outloud over the years aloud, seeing myself from a birdseye view, and realizing that I am in fact a fantastic contestant for Supermarket Sweep. I am a grocery shopper extraordinaire.
So, I had to learn some better tricks and tactics to help keep my family on a budget, and I’m going to share them with you.
Start at beginning, with the first step.
You must decided that you can and you will.
Though it is not complicated, and it might sound funny, it is so necessary.
It’s actually a choice, a mindset. Stick with me for a minute if that made you roll your eyes a little.
I was actually choosing to see myself as incapable, as the challenge too tough, and the obstacles insurmountable.
I mean, tell me I’m not alone. Every week I would overshoot the budget, like a terrible archer trying to hit a bullseye but barely making it on the board, and I would feel like it was actually impossible for me to shop within our budget. I mean, it’s food and necessities, and even when I’d try to cut things out, I would still miss the target.
After too long on this merry-go-round, I literally had a moment of hearing myself whine, as usual “It’s so haaaaard!” I was sick of hearing myself whine, and finally, something in me switched.
I literally, in that moment, realized the truth. It’s hard but I was not incapable. Of course I could do it. I mean, grocery budgeting is a thing. People do it. I can do it, too, darn it.
Just like anything in life, if you want to make something happen, you find a way.
I can choose to keep failing and saying why it won’t work. Or I can start taking better charge, taking ownership, and making life better.
So it became my new challenge. Literally my goal. Before that it was merely something I failed at. Because, honestly, I wasn’t really trying. I was thinking about it.
As with most things, I can reach a goal when I really want to.
It was no longer “I should”. It became I could.
So can you. 😉
Now that we’ve got that under our belts, let’s talk logistics, along with few silly simple tricks that I use.
2. Start with the basics.
Like literally, put the basics on the conveyor belt first. The absolute basics and the non negotiable. For me it’s the milk, the bread, the cheeses, fruits, vegetables, meats, yogurt, cereal.
I put the those on the conveyor belt first and I watch the total. I’ve gotten better at “feeling” how much it will cost as we go, but this step is super helpful, especially if you want to take the slacker approach like me. Once my budget is reached, whatever few items remain towards the end, literally don’t make the cut. I politely ask the cashier to hold those items, and they are “reshopped.” Seriously. Simple and easy. The more you do it, the more you will understand what items and what volume gets you to your desired budget.
3. Cut out the fancy.
Eliminate the more expensive and “extra” items, for a while at least, until you have a better handle on what your total is and how you can optimize reaching it.
I mean, I need to feed my family, but do we NEED the $4 yogurt or will the $1 suffice? Do we need the sharp aged cheddar with a hint of nuttiness every week at $7 a pop or can the classic cheddar suffice for regular snacking at half the cost? (I won’t judge. I love cheese too.)
But the point is, if or when you really want to be in control of how much you spend, you’re going to have to make those hard calls. You decide your priorities and pick what’s most important to you. But inherently, something else will have to be less important. And you get to decide. If you don’t decide, though, you’ll be back to square one. Over budget. So decide. Be selective. Take charge of the total instead of the items taking charge of you.
I will sometimes pick up the fancy cheese, and hold it until the end. Then I see if I have enough wiggle room left to purchase it, without feeling guilt or blowing the budget. Which also brings me to my next point.
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4. Separate transactions for extra items.
This my sound crazy, but I like to check out separately for extra items. I like to see what I’m spending on groceries, not groceries plus the birthday present or the candle or my lipstick. My grocery store is pretty fantastic, and you can find everything from a special candle, or earrings (yes, I’m actually wearing a pair right now that I got from aisle 4) to fancy cheeses or 40 dollar dry aged steaks. Any of those things can be fantastic. Annnnd destroy a budget in a blink.
Sometimes, though, I will get that fancy cheese, but not as a part of my grocery bill. I use this little trick. I will actually have those extra things be a separate transaction so I can get a clear picture of items that I’m buying for gifts or special occasions and what I’m actually spending on groceries.
Even though the money comes from the same pot, they aren’t really from the same category. One is groceries, one is not. One is my extra spending money, or a gift. So I realized was that if I get something extra, that’s isn’t really my grocery budget. It’s part of another category, and I like to ring it up separately. This enables me to understand and see where our money is going, so a separate transaction is hugely helpful. This small trick has enabled me to see better where the money goes and has allowed me to be more in charge, and feel like less of a failure. It’s tiny magic wins. My lipstick or a treat won’t blow the budget. Which makes sense, because, they aren’t even groceries.
5. Shopping once a week.
As much as I have resisted structure, have preferred hard work and going with the flow, it wasn’t helping the money flow, if you get my drift. The rolling shopping days made it harder to see what we actually needed and what we were actually spending.
Going once a week has forced me to notice what we have, to be more purposeful to use it, and to eliminate excess. This has also reduced the amount of food we wastes. And guess what- reducing waste also translates to saving money.
With my new weekly rhythm, I understand that we eat the avocados most on the weekends, so I buy the more ripe ones on Friday when I go, and they get eaten right when they’re still in their prime. I don’t throw out a bunch of avocados that missed their day in the spotlight, and we have tasty avocado toast and guacamole. Win win win (and margarita cheers!) I wouldn’t have figured that out so clearly if I continued bopping around the days that I grocery shopped.
So those are my main tips. It started with knowing I could. Then I started with the basics, and I let extras stay as extras. These few simple shifts have been life saving and budget crushing for me.
Let me know if you these are already in your tool belt, if they’ll be helpful to add, or if you have any more to add!
Grocery store shopping is challenging, but if I’ve managed to stay in a budget, I’m pretty sure that you can too!
It’s time for more children’s book reviews! We’re on the last day of February, a leap year bonus day, no less. I have a list here assembled of some amazing and everyday heroes, and they are books that should be enjoyed and people that should be celebrated year round celebrated! It’s still Black History month, and this list is one that keeps the party going!
(I know, by now many people are moving on to the next event, but by golly, if you don’t know that I like to celebrate something until the last moment possible, you don’t even know me. I may be late to the party, but I’ll be one of the last to leave! Unless you’re talking about an actual party that continues until midnight. Because by then, I’m sleeping and definitely at home already, ha ha.)
In this round up of children’s books that my kids and I love, I have to say, I didn’t try to assemble a list of books with people of color in them. Three of them are books that we stumbled upon this month. They are books that were at the library, propped up on displays that caught our eyes, or shared at a story time, because of the theme of this month, Black History Month. Then there are two stories that we truly love and treasure year round, so in keeping with the theme, I included them here.
One word of note, an editorial of sorts before I go on. Those books that were found this month, they were found because they were put out to be seen. Because they were made and told and put on display. They are important and beautiful. Do we wonder why there are not enough books with color and diversity? My take: There are people with stories that they need to tell, paintings to share, and the world needs a chance to see and hear them. Maybe you’re one of them. In a space where you see a void, maybe it’s your job to fill it with love and color and joy, not criticism. So my one piece of advice, to you and to me, it to share, speak, tell, write, and draw. Then prop it up on display tables, shout it from the rooftops. Because books are important. Books of all colors, shapes, and sizes.
Oh my goodness, this book. What a treasure for this mom heart. Last Saturday Barnes and Noble had their story time, featuring this book. (If you’ve never gone, it’s a lovely little outing and they have beautiful activity pages to go along with the story. They always have a highlight book and one or two others. I’m love a chance to bring my kids to the bookstore and browse, read, and play together surrounded by books. Plus, there’s coffee there if you need it, so that’s always great.)
This book was so perfect I can’t even tell you. We had to rush to get to storytime, even though we had planned on going and were ahead of schedule at one point. But things went awry, and when we arrived a few minutes late, I was feeling guilty and frustrated. We missed the first few pages, but it didn’t take long to get the gist of things. The book is all about a mom and daughter heading out for their Saturday adventures. It’s all planned, and it’s their one day to be together. But things keep going wrong. There’s rushing, there’s missed opportunities, and cancelled plans (boy could I relate!!). At each junction of disappointment, they had a chance to stop and breathe. Such a powerful reminder and demonstration for all of us. Then, at the end, even though so many things didn’t go as they planned, what mattered most was that they were together. I mean, this story is like the anthem if my heart, right there. Check this one out. (And remember to breathe, momma☺️.)
This book could deserve a whole post for itself. I loved reading more about one of our American heroes, Fredrick Douglass. He escaped slavery in 1838 via the Underground Railroad, to my hometown in upstate NewYork, actually. He became a published author and spoke open and powerfully about the abolition of slavery. His name and his work are very familiar to me, but it was so powerful to read so many details and to share them with my daughter. She was enraptured. (She’s only five, but a bit ahead in her listening abilities. This book might be advanced for some preschoolers. Moms, you know your kids best!). This is a fascinating book, it shows the terrible injustices of slavery, and the incredible power of both the human spirit and the power of the written word. The ability to read and write them quite literally saved Frederick’s life, and subsequently it could be argued, the lives of many others as he wrote to help abolish slavery later in his life. How powerful is that!!
This Caldecott Honor Medal Book is fantastic. Again, this book speaks about a great great man who used words to affect incredible change in the world. We all know that Martin Luther King Jr is truly one of America’s hero’s. His life and his words made immense impact on our country. This book beautifully tells the story of a humble man, who walked and talked with people for hours and hours, even days, encouraging them, listening to them. He visited small corners of the Deep South, in the trenches with those who needed it most. He was compassionate and humble, brave and bold. He spoke on great stages, speaking Truth, speaking of kindness and freedom. He spoke love; he demonstrated love. If you read anything about his life to your children, please consider this beautiful book that tells his story so well.
If you don’t know this classic, did you ever even visit a library in your youth? I knew this story from my childhood, and have read it many times to little ones I cared for. On a random visit to my childhood town library with daughter, who was an infant at the time (clearly the visit was for my own love of books), I saw it on the shelf for sale. Of course I scooped it up for probably a dollar. That is a little sad, because that might mean it’s somewhat out of rotation. But, it’s not gone or forgotten. It’s a simple picture book that shows the snowy adventure of a little boy through his neighborhood. If you don’t happen to live in a place where snow is a regular occupancy, this would be a great way for your kids to learn about snow. If you do, it’s still a sweet, timeless read with amazing illustrations. Did you grow up reading this too?
This book was a gift from a wonderful family member (thanks Uncle Tim!). I love this book because it is beautiful and it speaks of finding beauty wherever your feet may go. It also shows a slice of life that might look either exactly like yours, or vastly different, but is so great to see represented and shared in a picture book. CJ and his grandmother have to ride the bus every Sunday, and CJ wonders why they don’t have a car like his friend. As they travel a long way and meet many different characters, grandma is kind and steady. And CJ is reminded that beauty can be found wherever you look for it. Read it for perspective, both lifestyle and a good heart perspective.
So happy last day of February! Happy Black History Month! Happy Reading! I hope that maybe you can enjoy one of these beautiful, important books with your kids. They can all be found online, at your local library, or your favorite bookstore.
Enjoy the day, this beautiful bonus day that it is! ❤️
Hey there, working mom. Are you looking longing at the stay at home moms, with all of that quality time and entire days at home with their kiddos? I know. You wish you had all of those precious moments-to kiss their heads and love them well. It’s so hard to be gone for hours and then return to them in smaller sections of time. It’s hard. It’s really hard.
But you know what else is real? You’re probably not missing out on just as much amazing stuff as you think you are. I know that you probably don’t believe me. And yes, there are exceptions, and there are certain moments that you do miss, of course. But in general, you can probably skip a large majority of that mom guilt.
Here’s the real deal.
We are all working moms.
Part time, full time, at home or away, and yes, even the stay at home. We know that being home with the kids all day is work. It’s work next to them, or near them, maybe sometimes along with them.
Have you ever known someone who is retired, and who is busier now than they were while they were working? Have you ever had a week off from work and you just get to be home and you make a grand list of to do’s? Then at the end, did you maybe wonder where all of the time went? You marvel that you didn’t get nearly as much done as you thought you might. You then marvel at how you ever get anything done during your normal schedule.
See, when you work, you tend to pare life down to the most important. You streamline and keep away that for which you have no time. When you are available, more things come in to fill that space. More obligations and more possibilities. More laundry and meals and messes. More expectations of what you can do at home because, well, you’re home (whether internally or externally noted.)
The reality is, it’s kind of like standing on the edge of a dam. You see massive amounts of water on one side and a wide open space of opportunity on the other. You imagine what life would look like without the large commitment of time at work that you have.
But guess what. The very act of you stepping (or jumping as it were) onto the other side would tip the scales. Life changes to fill in these gaps of time. If you were to jump into that calm open space of water, like the floodgates opening up, your life at home with the kids would fill in with all of that volume. The water would come rushing in, filling up the space you thought was open and available.
When you think about the possibility of being home with your children full time, you might romanticize it. We all do. You see hours of opportunity- to bake cakes, explore nature, and learn Spanish together. To keep your house clean, finally catch up on the laundry, organize all the closets, build a rocket ship, and of course dispense incredible amounts of important information and time into their developing brains. You know, superhero status.
Stay at home moms are super busy too, or distracted, or touched out, or juggling so much they aren’t enjoying it as much as they wish they could. They may even be craving a little away time so they might appreciate the sight of their kids a bit more. Like you can. Or, EVEN IF they’re rocking it, they honestly may not be getting any more quality time with their kids than you are. This seems crazy, but it is very possibly true. (Can I get a witness?!)
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This whole “stay at home” mom term is probably pretty new, but the reality is that life is work. Moms and women have always worked to keep their loved ones fed, clothed, and cared for. It looks different at different times (like in early homestead times with the farming, the canning, the curing of meats, the sweeping of dirt floors, the chicken plucking, fire tending, and warding off dangers of various degrees.) Modern conveniences have allowed us to do things differently, giving us more wiggle room, perhaps, or more options. But this often leaves us (or is it just me?!) with a guilty feeling when we can’t just be MOM.
Yet, the truth is, being a mom has always been work.
Have Moms throughout history had this problem of the guilt that often goes along with the work? Or is this level specific to our time in history and culture? Have we always heaped so much guilt upon ourselves for providing for our families? What is it about modern life and the act of leaving for work that sometimes cause us to feel so terrible?
Can we remember that whatever it is we are doing, we are caring for our families all the same- in the home, in the office, in the field.
Can we stop feeling guilty for the work and the “away”?
Now, don’t get me wrong. I see the immense value in being there. I have joyfully spent full days and weeks and years caring for children-sitting on my knees, and in the dirt, playing for hours, pushing the swings and strollers as a devoted nanny. Now as a mom myself, I work part time, both out of the house and from home writing and blogging. I was also raised by a full time working single mom, who gave me more love than seemed possible. I personally know many sides of this coin, and I see them clearly from so many angles.
I can also tell you, ultimately, it doesn’t matter.
The relationship you will have with your children is not dependent on any of that. Your relationship is not determined by whether or not you work, where you work, how you work or even how much you work. All of those things are merely details.
Who of us had our moms that did the dishes or went to work, or had their backs to us while they did the laundry or the dishes or baked the pies? Did we hate the, for it? No. We loved them anyway. Because they were our mom.
My mom was a working mom out of necessity. I had babysitters and big sisters. I had loads of alone time, and often a tired mom at the end of the day. But none of that mattered. I never counted the ways she wasn’t there. What mattered was that she was the sun and the moon. She was my mom, no matter what, and certainly no less because she worked. All that mattered is that we were family; she was my home.
So, if you don’t happen to be home with your children for the majority of the time, please don’t fret so much. It’s going to be okay.
Having all the time is not necessary. It’s what you do with the time that you have that matters. You don’t need ALL day. Very few of us of us would ever really have ALL day anyway. That’s life. And that’s okay.
We are all working.
Whatever your work status, all moms struggle with juggling time and the weight of guilt. Mom guilt is not reserved for working mom, it effects all of us at times. (Honestly, sometimes I feel it most when I’m home for a full day and “should” be playing with them and enjoying them, but other things need to get done. Sometimes the most guilt I feel is when I’m with them but want to do other things.)
The guilt is the most robbing thing of all, not the work. We all go to bed considering the time we had or didn’t have, the love that we gave and the ways that we think we failed, wondering, “Was it enough?” The truth is, worrying about what you’re NOT and having guilt for what you miss only robs you more of what you DO have at your disposal- your heart, energy, attention and the time that you have. Don’t let guilt be your boss, or be your guide.
Let the love that you feel in your heart guide your actions and your actions will build your relationships. Let your momma love lead.
It’s not the amount of time that makes the most difference. It’s taking advantage of the quality time that you can.
What time do you have with your kids today? You get to choose HOW you spend the time with your kids. No always the WHAT, because dinner, bath, homework, and bedtime are real. But you can choose how you participate in that experience. Is there some quality that you can find in those moments?
It’s not ever about what you do. It’s how you do it.
Look your children in the eye. Give them five, ten, fifteen or a hundred undivided moments. (The number doesn’t matter. Remember, kids are terrible time keepers and tellers! Use that to your advantage.) Hug them and snuggle them whenever you can. I know that you care for them so much. Keep it up. Give them both the discipline and love that they need. Connect with them, listen to them, love them, full stop.
That’s what matters. Those things and those moments will override any number of minutes you’re not together.
I’ll take three spoonfuls of decadent Haggen Diaz over a whole bowl of mindless, boring frost bitten, off-brand ice cream any day. How about you? Be the Haggen Daz. And stop worrying about volume, and just concentrate on the quality.
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How you connect when you are together is what matters.
The mom who returning from working outside the home has now before her a similar opportunity that the stay at home mom had earlier. You may feel guilt for not being there, but you should know that the woman living the opposite life, and probably you if you were in the other slippers, feels guilt for how she didn’t connect or how inadequate or overwhelmed she felt. (Perhaps, after playing Clue Jr and reading 1000 books, she’s now sidling off to another part of the house, or out the door as her partner returns, looking for a little breathing space.)
When you return from work, whether you have a deep level of joy at retuning to your little people, or deep level of exhaustion, there’s a fresh opportunity for you and your children to connect.
When you hug your children, take a breath. Be in that moment. Don’t beat yourself up for when you’re not THERE. Instead, when you are there, BE there, soak it in as best you can, exhausted or invigorated on any given day. That’s what makes a difference- not a hundred mediocre minutes, a few meaningful ones.
And honestly, I am saying this for YOU. Your children aren’t as critical of us as we can be of ourselves.That time “away” didn’t matter so much.
When they turned their faces to us and looked at us, how did it feel, how did we love? That’s the difference. They will be happy to BE with you.
When they are grown your children won’t care if you were washing dishes or making dinner while you were together. They won’t hate you for working. Work status, time apart, school schedules, none of that can diminish what you mean to one another. They don’t define why or how we love. Family is a type of love that goes beyond circumstances and schedules. It’s a love that is powerful.
The trick is not WHAT you are- working mom, part time, full time, stay at home, work from home. It’s WHO you are. You are amazing just as you are. Their forever parent. Their home base. Their constant love that comes home, that stays home, that IS HOME.
Your children are so blessed by your care. Stop feeling guilty. Don’t dismiss yourself by some unrealistic self expectation. Be as amazing as you are right now. It’s already more than enough to give.
So working moms, don’t feel bad. (And stay at home moms, don’t be so hard on yourself, either.) Let go a little more of the guilt for what’s NOT and enjoy for a moment, what IS. You, that family you work so hard to care for, and this solitary moment to enjoy them.
Hey, I'm Courtney, a pretty ordinary girl who thinks we've all been called to an extraordinary life and love story with God. I'm passionate about family, faith, motherhood, and the adventure of every day. I write lots of words, mostly because I can’t help it- and I think it's one of the things I was born to do. I hope that something I write encourages you, to walk in your own unique purpose and calling, set free to love and give it away, starting wherever you are today. That's what Courting the Extraordinary is all about. Finding the good all around you, and giving it away. Finding, too, the God of all goodness who wants to walk with you.
I love quiet mornings, coffee, prayer and “work” before sunrise. Quality time with my family is my jam. I can be found grinning ear to ear when we're out on an adventure. Whether that's in our own backyard or exploring someplace new all-together, I’ll for sure note something beautiful about nature aloud-and maybe repeatedly, ha!. Life is a beautiful, precious gift, and an adventurous path to travel! We might as well learn how to love.
Hey, I'm Courtney, a pretty ordinary girl who thinks we've all been called to an extraordinary life and love story with God. I'm passionate about family, faith, motherhood, and the adventure of every day. I write lots of words, mostly because I can’t help it- and I think it's one of the things I was born to do. I hope that something I write encourages you, to walk in your own unique purpose and calling, set free to love and give it away, starting wherever you are today. That's what Courting the Extraordinary is all about. Finding the good all around you, and giving it away. Finding, too, the God of all goodness who wants to walk with you.
I love quiet mornings, coffee, prayer and “work” before sunrise. Quality time with my family is my jam. I can be found grinning ear to ear when we're out on an adventure. Whether that's in our own backyard or exploring someplace new all-together, I’ll for sure note something beautiful about nature aloud-and maybe repeatedly, ha!. Life is a beautiful, precious gift, and an adventurous path to travel! We might as well learn how to love. 