A Shower of Stars, Longing, Love and Life

by admin | Aug 12, 2024 | Purpose

✨It’s so easy to thing we have forever, or a long time at least.  Days stretch out in such a way that we are lulled into different paces and places than we’re maybe meant for.  

We slow down when we’re meant to speed up- working towards collective, shared dreams.  We speed up and rush through some of the good stuff, the quiet moments, the smaller tasks.  The mixing of batter, the washing of heads, the taking of breaths.  

We will miss certain things more when they’re gone than while they were present- because we traded them for worry in that exact moment that we lived them.  

We often do trade important for pertinent, simply because one is more selfish and rude, though not always honest or true.  
We rush through lazy afternoons and languish through our work day tasks.   
Oh how backwards we have it sometimes.  Or maybe that’s just me.  

We do this without really even trying, so don’t feel bad about yourself. I tell myself this, too. 
I think that’s the whole point.  Things lie about their brevity and their importance and we just tend to follow suit, because they’re such good actors.  (And they make such good actors out of us.)

If only we can really see it. 

How lovely it is as it really is.  Our family.  Our friendships.  This moment.  The sunset.  The star showers, the star stories, the life stories. 

I lingered outside last night under those great big beautiful stars. The ones that only look so small from where I am. I stayed outside, in the middle of the summer star shower, longer than my kids. They headed back inside before i dud,  as I stood there craned my neck backwards, trying to find just *one more shooting star*.  Two, if I’m being honest.   But I couldn’t.  
I might have been being greedy- for I’d already gotten that “one more” when I asked and they were right there.  Bright and streaming with a green tail.  Not to mention the one we all witnessed, that was so dazzling and bright, seconds long, and perhaps the best one I’d ever seen.  

Star watching on a clear calm night has always been a favorite thing of mine, even though I don’t “get” to do it much now.  I used to lay there hours out on the dock, by the lake when I was in my late teens and early twenties, before life took shape.  looking for those shooting stars.  
Things are different now, and I certainly don’t do it as much, and not there anymore, not that dock at least.  But I remembered what it was like last night, and I wanted to keep right on looking. Even though it wasn’t by a lake, and life looked so different, I remembered to joy of that quest.  

Until I lingered long enough that my daughter stepped outside and walked over to find me.  A stream of her blonde hair trailing behind her, I could see it even in the dark.  I could find her and her beautiful smile as she sought me. 
I kid you not, at that exact moment another small shooting star streamed overhead, its own blonde tail right behind it, and just over her head.  
Two shooting stars.  There they were. 
Two  bright, beautiful shooting stars.  
I got what I hoped for, and more. 
Plus her brother inside, and my husband.  Everything and more, than I could have wished for or hoped for as I lay on that teenage dock of dreams.  

I picked her up in my arms and we walked  back inside together.  

I don’t have to go looking for shooting stars anymore.  Not for hours, at least, and not like that.  I may still stop to look and linger at times.  But those hours spent before are now spent in better ways.  
Those big, bright beautiful, beating-heart stars are right here.  Yes, they’re right here.  

Under the roof of our humble home, our blessed lives, and we’re all much bigger than we know.  Bigger than we appear sometimes, too. 
Especially from far away. So I come close, I step inside, under the miracle of the showers of shooting stars happening right under my roof.   

I breathe it in. We are all, home, here, together.

This truth fills me with a warm glowing ember of  this ‘present’.  

In my thoughts, as well as my heart. There is also a knowing even, that we might be able to find more adventures together, maybe even some shooting stars, too.  Together, in the future. 

That bright, beautiful future-  that’s streaming past our eyes, a shower of stars from Heaven above.  ❤️

Holding holidays loosely

by admin | Jul 8, 2024 | Purpose

I’ve learned to hold holidays and traditions lightly.

I think sometimes that it’s one of the best, and hardest things that I’ve learned as a parent and spouse. Not every celebration or yearly holiday has to have to same set of situations, the same series of events, the same special set of checklists.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love those great treasures of “we always..” immensely.
They can be so lovely, and valuable.
But if you’re not careful they can quickly become life suffocating. The very thing meant to hold you together, or so you’re lead to believe, becomes the thing that can tie you all up in knots.

For the last two fourths of July it seemed we may have found “our thing.” A race, a parade, a visit to a lake. All the things you might love. But none have been repeated, even though we had high hopes for this year. Life just doesn’t always fit in the neat little boxes we try to shove it into, not without something breaking that is.

So we kept an open hand, there was give and take, and a lot of space to fill in the blanks and color -without lines but with lots of grace.
Without further mention, and with no real planning, I’ll tell you how it went.

We made red white and blue pancakes at home, bursting with blueberries and raspberries (unless you’re the one who doesn’t like that kind, and for you it was just white.)

We cut open that watermelon we had been saving, and ate it for lunch. Even as I started to unwrap it, I wondered if it should be for dinner instead. But the juice was too sweet and the pieces too red and perfect to wait now.

We made a few pizzas, and pasta, and salad and cut up peppers and ate outside under the awning. The temperature had cooled just enough, there was a breeze and we were able to relax and smile enough to not melt.

There was a very hot run earlier, and I haven’t sweated so much in years. The kind where once you stop, your whole body doesn’t quite know it yet, and before you know it, you’re as wet as if you ran through the hose. Speaking of, I wondered if we’d do that later.

We went for a nice big bike ride through some neighborhoods, the kids side by side and matched pound for pound, trying to make sure no one got ahead of the other. We talked about stopping home to grab a bag of sunscreen and towels, put on our suits, and ride to the pool club for a swim. “That’s a great idea,” declared my son.

We got home and daddy had cooked up a different plan , but we were all in. The drive -in movies, for what would be the first time. We loaded up blankets and swuishamellows and some pillows, and we petted the doggie goodbye and set off. We planned for burgers on the way and maybe even a milkshake . It was all of those things- plus juke boxes and fifties and 60s tunes, messy hands from too many condiments (so me), and thick milkshakes. Then a longish, silly wait for the drive in to open up, front row seats, snd a rather relaxed round (and a half) of mini golf. We played catch in the grass with new friends while the sun set and the fireflies came out to warm things up.

The movie was good, and the company better. My son was so relaxed and steed in his element it seemed, with a giant bowl of popcorn. My daughter sighed, “this is SO much fun.”

As we drove home so late, we parents saw some fireworks right next to the road as we passed at the exact time. I tied to take a picture to show the kids but it happened too fast and then it was finished. We carried our kids off to bed, and I thought of how they were snuggled in so close, next to me during the movie.
And someday I will long for that nearness, so easy and free. I will long for bikes rides where we dream up plans, only to come home and change them. And I’ll love how the watermelon never tasted so sweet or went to waste, not then, because there were eager hands set for helping. I’ll remember how long I spent trying to get the swimming knots out of hair, or the smell of bug spray as I sprayed multiple sets of legs and arms and necks that were not only me.
I’ll remember walking behind them, as the each were holding daddy’s hands, a bounce in their step and total anticipation, even though the mini golf doesnt look so great to grown up eyes.
I’ll smile anyway. I’ll remember that view, so well. The one that came from being a few steps behind, not ahead. From grabbing that bottle of bug spray that I was so glad I had, even though I hadn’t planned ahead to need. Even though I wouldn’t want to need it, it sure was nice to have. The opportunity and the spray. Because all of the best adventures come with a few stickier or trickier bits. And finding a work around for those things takes time, but it’s worth it.

And that view is everything.

Yeah, I’ve just had to learn that these plans can’t all be mine or go according to however I think they should go. There’s a million ways they might flip or flop, and I’m really just here for this view.

Walking together, with love.

I hustle to catch up with them, after taking a picture of course, and I think, not all things can or should be planned.

Not by me at least. I gave up my checklists and must-haves a long time ago. They’re right here walking around with me. With us.

That whole “Head down, planning everything” thing can be very tiring. And I much prefer this view. Front loading some efforts, but really, I’m just Along for the ride.

Not comparing what’s going on with my notes of “meant to” or what it’s “supposed to look like.”

Checking off those boxes doesn’t mean you’re actually checking out or enjoying the views. Isn’t that what’s most important anyway? You might end up seeing some you never expected, but will always treasure too.

taking the time

by admin | Mar 12, 2024 | Purpose

We sat at a big farmhouse style table, each of us taking up exactly the space that we needed- no more, no less. We had picked out treats that we each would want (mine was a power bowl from my rarely missed, but missed today lunch, a chocolatey cake of some kind for my son, and a duo of macarons for my daughter.) There were no papers on the table, no homework pulled out to do. All that we had the one new chapter book we’re reading together, just in case we felt like reading it. There were no dishes just an arm’s length away that vied for my attention or a dog that paced back and forth to go out the door. The only “distraction” was a call from Daddy -also known as my husband – who called just to check in. Though truthfully, was no distraction in any way.

This was his idea after all, as we were planning out our day. We weren’t exactly sure what to do in that awkward time between school being out and afternoon activities commencing. Sometimes we go to the library, or home, or the playground. This day was too cool and didn’t seem any of the above mentions. He said, “why don’t you go get a treat and sit down together at a coffee shop?” This was something we had done recently, to celebrate my birthday and I had thoroughly enjoyed it. But I also tend to be more practical these days with our time and our resources, so I usually opt not for that extra expense of either.

However, hearing the suggestion come from him, my husband and the breadwinner in the family right now, it hit different, but in a good way. I aim to be careful and thoughtful with how I choose to run my end of the business of family things. So his suggestion was a warm welcome from my relative frugality. It didn’t seem frivolous anymore, it seemed right and good. There’s a whole lot to that series of statements, I know, but for now, we’ll just stick to the main of the story I’m telling you here. Bottom line, we decided to go out to a coffee shop and spend that time together, and he called to see how it was going.

“Well, really,” I sighed, “it’s great! I’m not running around and doing any work. I’m just sitting here with our kids and we’re talking.” It was a really, really good sigh! Lighter, brighter than the usual way of things. “And you know what? It feels wonderful.”

Good!” he cheered from across town. “You should do that more often!”

He’s right, and now, I know it. (See honey, now you have it in print!) Maybe not necessarily going to get a treat at the coffeeshop, but going somewhere just to “BE” together.

See, the thing is, sometimes I don’t do things like that. Go out to get a “treat” “just because”. I spend a great deal of my time “at home”, or working from home, or returning home. Juggling the house, the kids, my coaching, volunteering at school and helping with faith classes, doing all the normal things of my life, and often running back and forth from home multiple times a day. I love it, but sometimes, being home (one of my favorite places to be!) can feel like work. Which, truthfully, mostly I love, but not always. I don’t really mind the hard work, I’m good for that.

It’s just that “the work” of it all, the work of “home” never seems to clearly end. There’s always more, or something else, “to do”.

Then what I really don’t love about being home sometimes is that while I’m home, I can know, see, or sense the projects that I “should’ be doing, need to be doing, or maybe want to do.

That makes it hard, because it’s really hard to turn those things off sometimes when they’re staring you in the face, screaming from the next room, or just an arm’s length -and a big tug of guilt- away. (Like that missing sink and dishes from the scene above!) There’s always more work to be do, and being at home reminds me of that. Not to mention, it also creates more sometimes! Not that any of its a bad thing. It’s just the stuff of life.

So that can mean that sometimes I have trouble settling down while those things persist. Though I’m not a perfectionist of any kinds, I can just as easily be pulled into the trap of more work as the next one. That can take me away from doing the one thing I find most valuable and important in life. Spending time with my kids.

Do you ever feel that way too? Well friend, you’re not alone. I think we all should remember, just like I did that day in the cafe, that the distractions will always be here. Those things that are the stuff and the tasks of life. But our kids won’t always be there, not in the same way. One day we might look back on our life and wonder. Wonder why we didn’t go and sit down with our kids more often. Not just sit but sit and talk. Listen. Look them in the eyes, hear their stories without them having to shout it over our shoulders while we did something else, kind of a thing. I’m just as guilt as the next guy.

I’ll tell you right now why it happens. Because we forgot. It’s human nature, to forget, sometimes, the things that mean the most or that will make the biggest difference in this world. That’s just the way things go. There are more distractions than we can shake a stick at, and many of them want to keep us from the very most important stuff. Like the times when we just sit and listen and talk with and connect to other people. That’s all-to-easily pushed aside and bullied away by “more important things” (see how I put that in quotes there?) – like laundry and dishes and to do lists. Listen I know that we all need those things too. We need them to work well and effectively and together.

But we don’t need them at the expense of other people.

We all forget sometimes. Sadly, at the expense of other people. We’re all in this thing together. This human, stumbling, tripping way of running our race.

Remember, forget, remember, forget. And as many times as I need to remind myself and remember and be reminded, I will try. Because yesterday’s, and last week’s and last year’s time being together, it was great, but it only got us so far. We’re here now, and we want it to go further. So we’re going to have to do more of that connecting. We’re going to have to do it again, on repeat. Making the most of our time, for the days are like fleeting specks of gold.

Maybe I’ll take them out for a coffee or tea or hot chocolate again today. Or maybe I’ll just pretend we are out and ignore all the other “pressing” things for a while. Because these people right here are what’s most important. Someday I might be begging them to come back. If I play my cards right now, and invest the love and the time that I have right here with them, maybe we both will, or maybe we’ll just keep right on doing it. For it will only grow, if we let it, and we’ll both want to make more use of its goodness. Of our time and our resources, for isn’t it, and especially our time, the most precious thing?

Yes, it is. Using it wisely, that’s courting extraordinary. I want to do lots more of that…