Leaves today, gone tomorrow

by admin | Nov 2, 2019 | Purpose

If seasons teach us anything, and fall most of all, they shows us that life changes, trees and flowers change, and each day is a thing of its own unique beauty. The very beautiful days are the most precious and fleeting gifts, but they’re all gifts, really. Having a front row seat to the changes outside can teach us so much. Fall can show us how to live with intention, even amidst the changing landscape of life.

Last Saturday was beautiful, bursting, alive. The leaves were so colorful and brilliant, shining in the sun. And also, falling. By the moment. I knew the day was a fleeting thing. This type of day- warm, sunny, and colorful, so deep into October- was a gift here. This actual day was a gift. It’s not the kind of thing that you waste.

We had no specific plans except to be outside and participate in some type of fall thing. Anything. We did a Trick Or Treat Trail in the village, which the kids enjoyed. But I needed more. And by “more” I don’t mean more extravagant or adventurous (I mean, hundreds of families, kids, and dogs walking around the mostly closed village streets, gathering candy, climbing on fire trucks and eating powdered-sugar coated donut holes is exciting enough.) I needed more time. And honestly, the simpler the better.

I looked out the window at the backyard. Our trees were standing tall, laden with changing leaves, and it was so spectacular. The golden glow was making its way through our windows and filling up the inside rooms. The leaves were somewhat evenly distributed between trees and ground, with the trees ever so slightly still winning. They felt peak and bursting. There were also enough on the ground to make a fantastic pile for jumping in. I knew right then that we need not go anywhere but our own backyard.

I ushered the kids outside to play, and they happily obliged. I grabbed a rake and started amassing large piles. I didn’t come to work, but I find my hands and head like to be busy. It helps me engage while giving the kids space to explore, and to play. They found ways to enjoy themselves. My daughter diligently picked up the sticks and made a separate pile. My son imaginatively created “a train track” right down the center of one of the piles. He climbed and crawled through it again and again. They found a way to rake too, using sticks to make the leaves move where they wanted. We found a slug with a broken and crushed shell, which they rescued it to a safe spot under the deck, cozy and damp. We found a frog there too. So many simple pleasures.

As we cleaned off the deck and daddy came out and carried the tables and chairs, putting them away in the shed, my son asked me, “Why we putting away?”

“Because winter is coming.”

“But it’s not winter yet.” A pretty sharp observation for someone whose only been alive for a couple of them.

“No, you’re right, it’s not. But it’s coming soon and you just never know exactly when. It could happen anytime, really. That’s why we’re getting ready.”

We cleaned up, put away, and even jumped in the leaf pile a few extra times before we were done. Then we headed inside.

That night, while we sleep, a change in the weather did come. It wasn’t exactly winter. But it was rain and wind. It blowed down more leaves than we had cleaned up the day before. It made a spectacular mess of the deck and ground that we had just cleaned off. The same bursting trees now stood bare, and all of them were thinned out. It was grey, wet and blustery, totally different than yesterday. There would be no outside fun this time, at least not in the same, easy way. Also, one of the kids woke up with the start of a cold. Slight fever, stuffy, not as bright as the day before, either. A definitely different day.

I held out hope for a clearing, but it never came. We were relegated to inside things, with the rain and the cold. There was a brief bright moment while we were driving in the car, which we enjoyed out the window before it was gone. But it quickly passed, before it could become a true outdoor moment, and that was okay. Quieter and less adventurous was today’s gift.

The difference between the two days, and what we did, was noticeable. Both days had unique opportunities, and opposite experiences. Our moods were not overly elevated or dimmed from one extreme to the other, just different expression and engagement. The most obvious change this time was the external. The cold front changed the landscape and the temperature and what the day looked like.

Seeing such a shift just made me think about opportunity, about moment. They’re all so very fleeting. It can feel like one day rolls to the next. Bath time, bedtime, sleep, eat, repeat. Repeat repeat repeat. Meanwhile these kids grow up a little every day. The leaves change a little every day. We know this, in theory. We can forget in the ordinary.

But then a big wind rolls in and things can change dramatically. Overnight, even.

The leaves were here today and gone tomorrow.

Other big, dramatic changes can happen too.

There were two terrible stories from the same weekend of a child lost too soon. Two separate twenty-something’s gone from the world, with no prior notice. Swiftly they left, with no warning, leaving baffled, grieving parents behind. The heartbreak is unimaginable.

Things can change dramatically overnight.

I do not mention this to provoke fear or worry. Those miss the point. Fear and worry are misplaced energy. They’re preparing for something ineffectively. Like raking with a stick and knowing the pile will be blown around tomorrow.

The real thing, the heart of the matter is, do you see and enjoy what’s in front of you? Are you actively grateful and participating in what’s around you TODAY?

Look around your life. Something you see right now might not be here tomorrow. That moment of beauty you see now might not be available tomorrow. That person you’re thinking of is not guaranteed tomorrow. Neither are you. It’s not morbid. It’s reality. There’s no way of knowing when or how something might change quickly. Zero. And there’s no preparing for that.

The only thing logical and actionable and important is to take the opportunities that you have right now. To see, love, participate in, and enjoy the life that is around you. Nothing and no one one is guaranteed to be here forever. Do something with it while it’s here. Make the phone call, go out to breakfast, watch the leaves change, the kids grow.

See what’s right, right there in front of you. Take notice. Gather the leaves in your life, changing and momentary as they are. Enjoy the beauty that’s in your life TODAY. Make a pile of gratitude and jump in.

When things some day change, as they’re guaranteed to do, you’ll know that you enjoyed it while it lasted. That’s all any of us can hope for, that’s all we have in our power. We can’t hold on to what’s temporary and fleeting (leaves, moments, people) but we sure can love the heck out them while they’re here.

So excuse me while I go make a leaf pile of today’s opportunities and jump right in. Hope you can too.

My Grove Collaborative Review

by admin | Oct 20, 2019 | Purpose

If you’re like me, you’ve seen the adds a plenty on social media for Grove Collaborative. I was finally lured in to giving it a try recently and I thought I’d share my experience with you. This is neither sponsored, nor an ad. This is just a regular mom with a careful eye on what’s she’s getting for her family, sharing her experience.

It was my love of Mrs. Meyers soaps that drew me in. Anyone else love those too? They are great soaps and their scents are dynamite, beautiful and authentic without being overpowering or fake smelling. They’re a little extra special by the sink without being a huge splurge. They were offering a set of Dish and Hand Soaps as a free gift, which was was a solid selling. Also, if I’m being honest, the thing that really clinched the sale for me was their exclusive Spiced Pumpkin scent. So that, for me was the gateway. That and the free little bubble up dish wand. Have you seen that? So cute. Now let me break it all down for you.

First I’ll start with the overview.

1. Grove Collaborative is a subscription service. After a two month free trail, you are charged $19.95 a year to continue the service, which includes unlimited free shipping and returns, free full-size gifts, and exclusive sales. They send a courtesy email three days before renewal.
2. They have great free offers for first time subscribers. With just a twenty dollar order and free trail membership that lasts for two months, you can get some great free products. I mean, we know how quickly one can spend twenty dollars on home and cleaning products, so the chance to get some free products on top of the necessities made this a no brainer for me.
3. The website was very user friendly. I was on the mobile version (always), and found it so easy to browse, choose, and check my total order as I went. It’s super informative and very user friendly. It seems to answer all of the questions you might have before you even need to ask them.
4. There are a lot of great products to choose from, and it’s so customizable. They have everything from home and beauty supplies, to cleaning items, paper products, and baby items. There is plenty to choose from .
5. You can easily and reasonably reach the $20/ minimum mark without getting crazy or buying anything but your true essentials. Guilt free shopping for the win!
6. Your ship date is totally customizable. You can put it off as long as you want, or click the shop now button anytime. How flexible is that?!
7. They have great customer service. They assign you a “guide”, which is an actual person, to help you specifically. Who does that?! Also, all of their emails are informative and clear. Their FAQs on their website are so helpful and include clickable links and picture guides when necessary.
8. Shipping is super speedy. I ran out of soaps between shipments and wasn’t interested in running to the store in the middle of a busy weekend or Monday. So I tried doing “ship now” on a Friday night, figuring I’d see what happened first- either it would arrive or I’d be desperate and stop at the store, and then have extra soap for the next time. Well, I got my box by TUESDAY, after placing the order Kate on Friday night, and that Monday was also a holiday. That is so extra fast! Plus, whoever packaged the box had written a thank you note on the box, with my name and a smiley face a little smiley face on it. Nice touch.
   It’s not just the aforementioned smiley face situation, either. My first order was delayed, apparently, (which I hadn’t even noticed, actually. I didn’t know what to expect for shipping speed). They sent an apology email and an offer for a free four pack of toilet paper as an apology. (The humor about cleaning up their messes was not lost in me. Ha!) It was so easy to redeem the unexpected freebie. All I had to do to was click the link that they sent me in the mail, and voila, it was added to my cart for next time. I mean, who doesn’t love free toilet paper?

Let me break it down and tell you what I bought my first time.

All of this cane delivered to my door for $42.35. I’d say that was pretty great. The candle and the laundry detergent were $9.99 each, and things I added on toward the end of checkout (I mean, while I’m there..) Those two items were half of the cost of the total, and only one was a bit of a splurge (the candle), but it was still reasonably priced. It felt like I got everything else for about $23 dollars. That’s pretty great!

Here are a few of my specific product reviews.

1. I love love love the reusable ziplock bags. They come in a set of two and are a new workhorse in my house. With two young kids and always bringing snacks, it’s hard to keep buying small plastic bags to just thrown them away and buy more. I’d much rather spend once and use over and over. It’s a terrific investment. Especially when they clean up as well as they do. I like to wash them by hand under the faucet with warm soapy water.
2. The two pack of walnut sponges are fabulous. I’m a sponge girl, but only for the dishes, never for the counters, and older ones are sanitized and relegated to microwave and sink duties. These are a bit sturdier than the ones that I’ve used for years.
3. I really wanted to love the laundry detergent. I do a lot of laundry and the idea of using a concentrated formula which might last longer was appealing. I almost bought the dispenser to help keep me honest, but I hated to buy the more expensive item if I wasn’t committed to the product. So I didn’t get it this time. I tried to use the detergent sparingly, but there weren’t specific directions on the back of the package for use without the dispenser, so I had to eyeball it. I tried to use it sparingly, but I’m also a germ freak and wanted to make sure everything was indeed really clean. I wasn’t convinced on a load or two, so I reran a few loads and added vinegar (that superstar cleaning helper!) to ensure it was done well. The package lasted just about a week, and at $9.99, I wasn’t sold. I would reconsider the dispenser and the concentrated detergent in the future, or with more tricks, but I’m not sold at the moment.
4. The Meyers dish and hand soaps don’t disappoint. They clean well and last a fair amount of time. They make my home smell so wonderful, it’s truly worth a small price upgrade. I was using Dawn (a gold standard dish soap) and most often store brand hand soaps in refillable containers. I’m enjoying the switch and am going to stick with “the Mrs”, at least for now. Both are available in a large variety of scents and priced at $3.89 each.
5. I love the Seventh Generation cleaning wipes. I don’t use them on my kitchen counters, but I use them in other areas around the house, like bathrooms, Laundry room, and the car. They’re great for life’s messes and one of the best options in the cleaning wipes department. The container was actually smaller than what I can buy in the grocery store, but the price was still relatively good. I would like to take a closer look and compare the available sizes and prices.
   
6. I love the scents of both the Mrs Meyers and the Method sprays. I don’t use them a lot, so those two bottles will last for quite a while.

So overall, this subscription service is dry convenient and is not a stretch, or a large financially commitment. You basically pay $20 to join, then bunch I have the opportunity to spend $20 in products roughly once a month. You can spend more or you can shop less frequently and spend even less. You choose. Also, free delivery is a win.
I personally shop for everything at my local grocery store, Wegmans, and I’m quite loyal. However, less of my grocery budget going to cleaning supplies means I can buy more other special food items like fancy cheeses, fresh caught fish or craft beers. (Score!)

I wouldn’t care to try the paper products from the subscription, Though I’m sure they’re great if that type of product is important to you. because it’s will continue to buy club pack paper products, which are a tremendous value and quality. Also, I’ll stick to the laundry and dish detergents that I can find there. Also, more Brie 😊

The things that would keep me coming back to use Grove are perhaps more supplemental and more seasonal. The variety of Mrs Meyers scented soaps is greater than you can find in stores. The candles and room sprays will be great in the winter when things get a bit stale around here. Then bug spray and sunsceeens will be needed in another six months or so. The great thing is, there are lots of options, and plenty that can fit your family’s needs. You always need to get these things for your family and got around the house. This is a subscription service that really might be worth the time and minimal effort that will help you do what you do best- take care of your family!
Given my great experiences so far, and the super flexibility for ordering and customizing ship dates, I’m going to keep going with Grove for now. By December I’ll decide whether to or not to officially subscribe and get the perks like free shipping and other discounts. You can always opt out of the subscription and order without the commitment. But if you plan on ordering even a few times a year, the shipping costs would pay for the subscription right there.

Let me know what you think about this review. Was it helpful? Would you like to hear more things like this? Do you have any other questions I could help answer for you?

A Few Children’s Book Treasures For Sharing

by admin | Oct 16, 2019 | Purpose

Children’s books can be the most meaningful five minute reads, whether you have a child on your lap, you’re standing alone in the bookstore, or you’re reading to your grandchildren. Sometimes I walk away from a children’s book more inspired than I’ve been in three days time doing all the grown up stuff. Here are a few to inspire the way that you look at the world and the people around you.

1. The Bad Seed
by Jory John Illustrated by Pete Oswald

This book is so funny and heartwarming. This little “Bad Seed” is so relatable. I am a rule-follower by nature, but, since none of us are perfect, I share some of his struggles (like sometimes interrupting people or being late.) Whether you, too, identify with the “bad seed” or you know one (don’t we all?), this book lends a new perspective that can help us all be a little more gracious with ourselves and each other.
Spoiler: he’s not really that bad. He just had a little trauma and now he feels bad about himself. Until he decides not to any more. It’s like a personal journey of growth. Every day is a new chance! It’s an innovative, must read.
https://m.barnesandnoble.com/p/the-bad-seed-jory-john/1124860411/2661685945659

Also, did you know you find many books read aloud on YouTube? See this one here: https://youtu.be/uqsGoiz-ufg

2. The Good Egg
by Jory John Illustrated by Pete Oswald

Like it’s companion book, The Bad Seed, this story is about the “good one” who maybe needs to learn to have a little mercy with everyone, including g herself. It’s a fabulous book to remind ourselves that we do t need to be perfect or to try so hard sometime. Also, when others color or think outside of the box, or egg carton, that’s okay too. They aren’t always wrong, just as we aren’t always right. We learn a lot from each other when we can appreciate our different approaches and take off some of the pressure to be perfect. It’s a book about love and acceptance, even when you’re maybe a little type A.
Find it at your local library, or here: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-good-egg-jory-john/1128680208

3. When I Pray For You
By Matthew Paul Turner

Get out the tissues when you read this one. Not only does it chronicle the growing years of a young daughter, it captures so perfectly the heart of a parent. We want the best for our children, even when we can’t always provide it ourselves. Our prayers are sometimes in response to the things that we might see as lacking in our own stories, or to fill in the cracks that we might not be able to reach. It’s beautiful and hopeful, a heartfelt prayer from a flawed parent (all of us!). It echoes our prayers for our children’s lives to have meaning and beauty and joy beyond what we could ever do for them ourselves 💕. This one also makes a great gift!!

Check it out here: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/when-i-pray-for-you-matthew-paul-turner/1128751076

4. The Listening Walk
By Paul Showers Illustrated by Aliki

This is a bit of an older book that we found at the library, and it’s a great read about slowing down and listening. It’s a story about a little girl who goes outside for a walk with her quiet dad. (That’s a great teaching point for us overtalkers, right there!). They just listening to the world, the people and the things around him. It’s perfect reminder to help us all slow down and appreciate our surroundings. It will probably inspire you to go out for your own quiet walk. It’s a perfect time of year to do this, in the beauty of fall. Go listen to all the crunchy leaves, the geese flying overhead, and the the world enjoying the last of the fall harvest time before winter.

You can find the book at your local bookstore, online here https://www.amazon.com/Listening-Walk-Paul-Showers/dp/0064433226, or even check out a free reading right here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLs4r8lHUS

So that’s a small sliver of the books that my kids and I are loving right now. Let me know in the comments if you love them, too!

Wear That Crown

by admin | Oct 13, 2019 | Purpose

I was walking my daughter into preschool last week, when a poignant moment happened. The kind where you think you possibly, without malice, somewhat break your child’s little heart. Not a big break, but a small crack. The cracks of real life. Have you ever had that moment? As you relay some small piece of grown-up-world truth to your child, one that is usually “right” and “necessary”, “true” and even “kind”, you despise that part of the job, and the words that you utter. Even though you understand that it does fall in our zone of important parental tasks, you know, the important ones that help prepare our children for the classroom, for whatever the situation at hand, and ultimately, for life. Sometimes when you utter the necessary words, even gently, you feel like you may be crushing their tiny little hopeful spirits, and it’s a little awful. That’s where I found myself one recent afternoon.

It was a day full of sunshine. My daughter was on my hip as we walked toward school (which, by the way, was something I said I wouldn’t do- carry my four or five year old. Whatever, Courtney-ten- years-ago). She had a birthday crown on her head and a big, bright, happy smile on her face. What could be wrong about this picture? Nothing, truly.

Except one small thing. It’s just that she got the snazzy little hat with her name on it just the day before, when they celebrated her birthday at preschool. She got to wear it the whole day. Yesterday. And I was pretttty sure she couldn’t wear the crown to school again today.

Last year’s version was worn at home on and off for months, until it was greatly bent and eventually set aside. This year’s brand new crown was obviously quickly adopted into the rotation (I mean, why not?!) and, somehow, made its way to school with us. When we went to get out of the car, my precious daughter had picked up that crown, put it on her head, adjusted it with little effort and large confidence, and stepped towards preschool. Such joy. Such confidence. No doubt. Just radiance.

But like I said, it was the day after her birthday party, and even though she was ready to wear it again (to school!), I was pretty sure she wasn’t going to be able to do so. I mean, can you imagine all of the kids wearing those crowns on any day that they wanted? It would get pretty confusing and kind of negate the whole point.  The reality is that you can’t have a classroom full of children wearing birthday crowns, Willy nilly.

  She was sooooo genuinely confident and joyful at that moment, I couldn’t say anything just yet. It was so precious and sincere, I had to let her enjoy that a few moments more while I considered my approach.

As we walked, I realized that had two choices on how she’d find out. Either I would tell her now, giving her time to adjust before she had to walk through the door, or I could wait until she was at the threshold and have one of her teachers be the one to break the news. There wasn’t really a wrong answer here, as I saw it was just about timing and knowing your own kid. My daughter is super reasonable and logical, as well as a deep feeler of healthy emotions. I knew that she needed needed to know that she probably wasn’t going to be able to wear her crown in school and that the most kind thing would be to give her time to wrap her mind around it. I thought I’d tell her now, as we still walked towards the four walls of school and help give her a few moments for her emotions to fall into a settled, and hopefully, happy place, even if it wasn’t her first choice. (Or mine, now that you mention it!).

Have you ever had to tell the truth to your kid and it hurt a little? That’s the funny thing about truth. Sometimes you need a moment, or a year before you can handle it, or handle dishing it out. But there are times in life when you can’t wait, and you can’t avoid the truth. As a parent, you may even need to be the one to say it, and you can only hope your love will soften the blow, even a little.

So on that bright September school morning, I took a deep breath, and it was with a little sadness that I very gently told my daughter “the truth”. (Telling the “truth” to youth-filled hopefulness. File that under “less desirable Mom jobs.”) This time the truth was small maybe by comparison, but not small by comparison to the size of her tiny heart.  I told her that it probably wasn’t “appropriate” to wear it in school on the day that it actually wasn’t her birthday. I felt sad at having to relay the news.  About as sad as she felt hearing it.  

Her expression, moments before, was so pure and so uninhibited.  So young and free. I saw the change, a new look come into her eyes and I saw a bit of sadness all her own.  My emotionally intelligent daughter was learning that expressions of joy has parameters in life.  That not everything is “appropriate” for school.  That her beauty and her crown might have to be tucked away sometimes.  For clarity, for the crowd, for decorum.

She wasn’t upset or crushed, but she seemed maybe a little disappointed about this new information, about the paradigm shift of how the world works. I may have taken just as hard, or even harder, knowing the depths to which this may be true sometimes. She got it, though, and I made sure to say that she could wear it later, of course. She seemed to understand when told her why. I understood too.

But by golly, I’ll tell you what.

I thought to myself, May I never say that about her real crown. May I never ever tell her to take that one off. Because, my dears, we all have one. May I never ever tell her to hide her beauty, her genuine heart, or those expressions that make her truly special.    

But that crown of love, of joy, of celebration, of who you are and your unique specialness.  NEVER take off that one, sweetheart.  Never never stuff it into your backpack as you walk through the classroom door.  Or the boardroom door.  Or crossing the finish line or entering the exercise class or the learning workshop.

While it is a somewhat sad truth, not everything expression or accessory is appropriate for the venue or the occasion. You might have to take off your birthday crown or your baseball cap sometimes.  But never hide YOU. Don’t hide your true self, your beauty, your enthusiasm or the essence of who you are. Your quirky laugh or off beat humor. The songs you can’t help but sing, the way you love to take things apart and see how they work. What makes you uniquely you. Keep right on shining that crown, love.  

It’s what you’re made to do.   

It not only IS always appropriate, it is so needed in this world, inside whatever door that you will ever walk through. It’s why you’re here.

Children have so much joy and excitement and hopefulness, such belief in possibility. They don’t fear rejection because they don’t know what it is yet. They don’t force themselves to fit into society yet. They wear the boots and the crown on a Tuesday, just because. They can step outside in their underwear without any worry (not the least of these, the worry about being a weirdo.)

Sometimes I think that we really don’t help our kids as much as we mess them up. The rules, the niceties, the appropriates and the perimeters. They’re all well and good. Heck, I’m a bit of a manners nut myself. We’re not perfect, or southern, but we do alright around here. We puffed up a little today when we were at a restaurant with our kids. They both had excellent manners and were so well behaved that two sets of strangers commented. (It was a good day, and just writing this makes me be aware that an opposite story may soon be told!) Manners matter and keep life running smoothly. But it’s also a little sad when you think about it.
With each responsibility and cause-and-effect we teach them, it can sometimes feels like we are slowing shaving off their best and brightest parts. Their unabashedness, and their unfettered excitement. Their complete self confidence.

I mean, we want them to be amazing and different and themselves. But we also want the, to fit in and not stand out too much. It’s basic survival instincts I guess. Don’t stand out or be noticed too much, or you risk being in a place of possible danger.

We still whisper for them to be quiet, tell them to follow the rules, ask them to take off their crown. Rules and manners in general are not bad things. They are good, and okay, and necessary. But my point is, sometimes by focusing on the “shoulds” are we sometimes missing the point? Are we missing the moments to point them towards the “coulds”? I was wrestling with these conflicting ideas, ever since the crown incident. Teaching them well, helping them do the right thing, but also not changing or quieting who they are; not being afraid to let them shine.

Then the most amazing thing happened, a few days later. We went for a fall family hike in the woods. Not a walk on a wide path with cute outfits and a latte in your hand. This was the kind with high socks, mud, bug spray to keep away ticks, and real trails covered with leaves and maybe snakes.

Well guess what our daughter stepped out of the car wearing? Yes indeed. THAT crown. I was confused, again, for a moment. And then my momma heart swelled with pride. Even though she couldn’t wear it in school, she didn’t stop trying. Even if today she was going to end up wearing her share of mud and sweat, she was still going to wear that crown. She wore it because she wanted to. Because it had her name on it. Because she believed she deserved that kind of special.

So we hiked. And she wore her crown. Long hair, rolled up jeans, muddy sneakers and a crown of calm confidence. She was radiantly herself. Hiking stick in hand, she was leading the way.

Maybe they’re the ones leading the way here, after all. Maybe while I’m teaching her how to fit in, she’s teaching me how to stand out. While I’m teaching her appropriate, she’s teaching me magnificence. While I tell her it’s okay to get muddy and it’s a normal part of hikes, and life, she’s telling me that it’s also okay to wear a celebratory crown. Don’t be afraid to shine, too, mom. It’s who we are BOTH meant to be.

Later on, we were back at home, she was wearing her crown and wrestling and playing with her dad. She turned to me and said, “Here, hold my crown. You can give it back to me when I’m done.”
You better believe I will, darling. I’ll hold on to it sometimes if you need me too. And I’ll pass it back when you’re ready again. I’ll remind you to wear that crown anytime you get a chance, Dear Daughter.
And I’ll do my best to find reasons to wear mine too. Reasons like you.

Don’t Miss Your True Goal While You’re Chasing Down Big Ones

by admin | Oct 12, 2019 | Purpose

Last spring I had the privilege of running in a different place. Not a new place, just an adorable town in our area that I’ve run countless times in my life. What made it special this time is that lately I don’t run too far from home. As in, I literally start almost every run right outside my front door. Because, #momlife, I usually steal away in the early morning hours, before my babies wake up and while my husband is home. So this was an absolute treat to drive somewhere different and get in a run.

I had an appointment in the village and had to drive there anyway. So I decided to get there early and enjoy a stress relieving, invigorating run in said beautiful setting. Two for one. I had to plan my timing well, though. I had a specific amount of time and, as usual had squeezed in extra hugs and kisses for my kids, so I had shaved more minutes off of my available time. I really did want those kisses, but now that I was out the door, I wanted to make the most of all of it.

I must not have had a GPS watch with me, because I decided to mark out the distance as I drove closer to parking spot and pick a landmark. Then I’d run to that location and back, keeping an eye on my phones clock, and then I’d know I’d made the absolute most of my time.

I drove down the street, enjoying the views, and I picked the most luxurious magnolia tree that was in full bloom, as my destination. I love love those trees, and when they bloom here, their magnificence is captivating and lasts for about a week, if you’re lucky. I know the area well and could gauge the distance to my starting point well, but I reset the odometer to be sure.

When I arrived to what became my starting line, I knew where I was headed, how long of a distance it was, and how much time I had to get there. In other words, I had a goal to guide my run. And I chose that specific spot not only because it made sense to try to achieve it, but because it was a beautiful benchmark and it excited me.

I started my mental stopwatch and ran north, toward my magnolia. I enjoyed every step of freedom on a different, yet familiar, road. My mind was so desperate that day for a change from routine, for this breathing space. It was a reset kind of morning that every momma needs. No matter how much you love your babies, sometimes you need a little fresh air and thinking space, whatever it looks like for you.

So I ran, and I kept checking the time. I had to be on time for my appointment, so every minute counted. In my usual style, I was trying to suck the marrow out of every available second. I was trying to get to that turn around magnolia at the halfway mark and then head back. I really wanted to reach that magnolia, to see up close the bounty of petals that hang on the branches, to maybe catch a whiff of its fragrance.

As I chased down that goal, I began to doubt that I could make it there. Some days my pace it easy and quick, others it’s slower. That day it was somewhere in between, and still definitely falling a bit below what I thought I could do that day when I set that magnolia goal.

Does that ever happen to you, in life, or running or in dream chasing? You think you’ll be capable of reaching your goal and covering a certain distance in a certain amount of time with a certain speed. Then, as you’re on the road, hoofing and hashing it out toward the goal, for one reason or another, you find that you aren’t as swift as you thought you’d be. You find some difficulties, maybe some hills. Your breathing is heavier, your legs less springy. More effort is required than you begin to think that you have to give. You start to doubt if you can even get there.

That happens to me quite a lot. While I chase down my big dreams, or even trying to get out the door on time on a normal day. Even on random runs like this one. My best effort falls a little short of my perceived capabilities and my intended effort. I find myself falling behind. Then the question becomes now what?

As I ran, I had some choices. If I might not make my goal, should I slow down? Should I just take the foot off the gas a bit and readjust my goal? If I can’t make it to that glorious tree, should I play it safe and head back towards my commitment that’s set in stone, my appointment? Should my sense of responsibility cause or allow me to abandon that goal? At what point do I turn around?

I contemplated all of this, I decided I’d run a little further, as far as I possibly could, time allowing, down to the second, before abandoning ship and turning around. But I decided, also, to stop worrying about it so much. Because I remembered my main goal. My main goal was TO ENJOY myself, to appreciate the specialness of this run and to see all of the beauty I could see on this path. I didn’t just come here for the end goal of the magnolia tree. I set that to give myself some framework, but it wasn’t my main goal. It was a benchmark. My main goal WAS the run itself.

“Stop worrying so much about that magnolia mile marker, Coco. Look around and enjoy this beautiful journey. It’s what you came here for, anyway,” I told myself.

Well that’s when I saw it. So quickly after I forgot about focusing solely on the end goal was when I actually found what I was looking for. Another magnolia tree, smaller perhaps, but no less beautiful, was sanding there, almost waiting for me to notice it. And I had almost missed it. Because I was so focused on the end goal, I almost missed the spirit of the goal.

Do you ever do that? Miss what’s right front of you, which looks a whole lot like what you’re chasing, just because you’re chasing something further down the road?! I wanted to see the beauty around me and enjoy every possible second of this special run. It was never about the end goal, it was about the journey. Once I stopped overly intensely focusing on the end goal, I could see that I was, in a sense, already accomplishing it. Don’t miss the magnolia right next to you because you’re chasing one that’s down the street.

Don’t chase down next year’s goal so hard that you forget to notice the parts of it that area already around you.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with my kids. It was a gorgeous, warm, easy kind of fall day, full of nothing but sunshine and time. I kept looking around me, realizing that in those moments, I was actually already living a part of my big dreams. That afternoon was a stop along the way, and also, it was (and is) the goal.

Let me encourage you not to miss the gift of this day, this afternoon- with your kids or your family, your workout or your experience- just because you’re thinking so much about the end goal. Don’t forget to look around you sometimes and notice the blessings and the dreams that are already unfolding themselves around you. The places, the moments, the magnolia trees, that are already gracing your journey with joy, your life with beauty, Take your foot off the gas for a minute, change your goals if you need to. But never ever stop noticing the things that you’re looking for that are all around you.

You know what’s so awesome? When I stopped worrying about that end goal for a while, and started enjoying the journey, I lost track of the time and stopped worrying about the effort so much. I forgot to look at the clock for a while. I enjoyed the run again. And then, after some time had passed, I suddenly realized that I was now actually steps away from my “goal”. Just ahead was that magnolia turn around. I laughed. Hello, friend. I wasn’t sure I’d see you this way. And here you are after all. I laughed, realizing that I was both reaching the goals, and living my dreams, one magnolia tree at a time.

So the next time you feel weary, or wonder if your goal is actually attainable, I’d encourage you to look around and see what is already around you on this journey. Are there actually little pieces of your dream unfolding right before your eyes? Sometimes you might need to take your foot off the gas, take your mind off the goal for just a while. See if there’s anything you should be noticing. The act of relaxing, forgetting the effort for a while, might help you see things better. There probably is something or someone right in front of you that you don’t want to miss. It might even help you accomplish your goal after all. You may end up adjusting it, or tweaking it too, and that’s okay. Because, really it’s never just about the goal. It’s about the journey and what we find, both inside and all around us, as we venture along the path.

My Yoga Journey

by admin | Oct 3, 2019 | Purpose

Fitness is such a personal journey, and sometimes those journeys are slow and easy in unfolding. It doesn’t always have to be complicated and it doesn’t always have to fit in a box.

My relationship with yoga? It’s NOT complicated.  It continues to naturally unfold.  My practice changes as my life does, with pregnancy and post partum,  marathons and Ironman, nursing babies and raising little ones.  As life and it’s parameters shift, I still find my way to my yoga mat.  It’s not complicated.  There are no strings attached or rigid boxes to fit in.  It’s just good. 

For me, yoga has been a series of small opportunities, forks in the road and little decisions that have turned into a valuable part of my health. I think that one of the main reasons that it’s worked for me is because I began with baby steps, I didn’t overthink it, and I didn’t try to twist and bend unnaturally, trying to shove my life (or my body!) into what it should look like. I let it come easily.

I’m somewhat of a closet yogi. Well, not closet so much as someone who practices alone at home, and under the radar almost always. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid to mention yoga or give it the credit that is due for keeping me healthy. But my life doesn’t fit into the yoga mold exactly. You won’t hear me “om”, I sometimes skip shavasana (I know, “the most important pose!”), I don’t own a piece of Lululemon, and I haven’t stepped in a studio in years. But it’s still something that I consider extremely important to my well being. I don’t need it for my spirituality or use it religiously in that sense. Though it can be quite centering and reaffirming, it’s not my church. I love the movement as well as the rest and surrender. I’ve taken the parts that fit the framework of my life and I’ve worked them in. I’m no yoga purist (and I’m only a little sorry if that offends you!)

I “practice” several times a week, on average. My routines are streamlined, often falling in the 15-20 minute range, and about once a week I manage 30 minutes or more. I roll out my mat early morning most often, and sometimes with the kids roaming around me, joining in for a pose or two. I love that it’s a movement and exercise that I can do right near my family. There’s a cozy sense of well being that comes from having practiced in my own home. I often feel like I’ve been to a massage or taken a trip to the chiropractor after I’m done.

While it’s not my main love (running and cardio are), it’s been there for me through pregnancy and post-partum recovery, Ironmans, marathons, and the strains of daily life. It has been an intregal part of my health and fitness for the last fifteen years or so.

As I look back , I think that it all started with a random show on a random channel at a random time, that fit into my schedule. It was a thirty minute block of tv time (which means it was even less in actuality) which was broken into three segments- a warm up, a longer main set, and then a cool down. It was calming and stretching (obviously). This was all happening around 2003 and 2004, around that time that I started running longer distances. The yoga show was a perfect and important compliment to my more grueling running journey. I needed the stretching more, but until that show, was finding less time to do it. Which is all kind of funny, because if I look back a few years before that, I literally started my adult fitness journey stretching.

When I joined the gym for the first time as a post-college, working adult two years before, I would dabble in cardio for a random amount of time and then head to the mats to stretch. It was my safe place. I knew what to do there. My time in high school sports (sitting the bench in soccer and a more successful cheerleading career) had taught me that much. So I kept defaulting to the stretching mats when the whole gym was daunting. In fact, I actually, honest to the good Lord, met my husband on those mats. As in, we actually started talking from across the row of mats, then shook hands and properly met as he walked past to leave. (Later we’d upgrade our talks over to the ab machine. By the time we went on our first date eight or nine months later, my abs were in the best shape of my life. But I digress.) So, clearly, stretching is so important!

Those early gym days I stretched and did my cardio, and then started doing Pilates every week, plus that ab machine to talk to that cute guy, and some weights. Then, as life changes, so does your fitness journey. I started running (a whole different story) and it was some time later that I found that yoga on tv. That show became a tiny key that opened the door to a slowly unfolding yoga journey.

That short practice at home and alone gave me the confidence to eventually go to a real live yoga class. I don’t remember exactly how, where, or why (though I vaguely think it was maybe for a fundraiser or to help a friend). But I know that I fell in love. I dropped Pilates like a hot potato. I’d found my true stretching and strengthening home.

I slowly started upping my game, switching from those tv yoga sessions to buying a DVD that I could do at home. There was one Crunch Fitness Dvd that I had during my college years that I did over and over. When I found that the instructor who I liked, Sara Ivanhoe, had a yoga video too, it was an easy transition. Now I did those two yoga classes on repeat. Later I purchased another series from her website.

Eventually I began going to classes at the gym. I visited different venues, including a less- than-loved experience at a Bikrham style class. (The hot, challenging style of the class was fine with me; the thought of repeating the same sequence every time at a high cost was less than desirable. Though I wasn’t opposed to repeating routines at home, an overly structured class was a different story.) Over the years I was able to practice yoga in a variety of places from a beach in the Aruba, various studios around town, trips in the states, and a most loved shaded outdoor practice in Mexico, where the breeze was blowing just right and the exotic birds around us created an impressive, surreal experience for the senses. Yoga slowly became a second love to running.

There was even a time that I went pretty regularly to a yoga studio. It that had a large rooted tree painted on the wall. The instructor was thorough and impressive, yet likeable. Firm, but never cross. I called her the Mary Poppins of yoga (there that Mary Poppins again!) and I had followed her from the Y, to classes in her home, and then to her studio. I didn’t go every week and certainly not multiple times a week, but I went regularly enough to go know the people, to go out for drinks with the instructor and other students. I loved the challenge of strength and the reset for my muscles. When I started doing more distance triathlon, I couldn’t always make it to the studio anymore. It was further away from home, I was working 50 hours a week, and I was trying to see my husband occasionally.

So again, life shifted and so did my routines. For the next several years it was a Monday night yoga class at our local YMCA. Closer, quicker, and still steady enough to do a world of good. I would rush to get there on time, do a quick change, and come to the mat, breathing quickly from the effort just to come and relax. It was a welcomed hour to recover, rest and reset the muscles after a weekend of long training rides and runs.

When I couldn’t make it to my class or needed a extra stretch, I had one video downloaded on my phone from ExcerciseTV that I would watch on repeat. (I just googled it and you can still find it online! I’ll include all the links to my tools below). It was twenty minutes and I did it so many times that I could repeat the instructors words by heart.

Monday night yoga class lasted until I became pregnant with our first baby. I wasn’t really comfortable trying to figure out what was okay to do, so I decided that it wasn’t worth the worry or work to continue practicing in a regular class. From then on out, I switched to prenatal yoga videos, which progressed through the trimesters. They started out simple and excruciating easy and then became something that sometimes was about all I could handle.

I googled prenatal videos when traveling to Antigua on our baby moon, and this began my yoga experience 3.0. The world of google brought me so much possibility, and even more importantly, so much flexibility to fit it into my schedule. I love doing yoga from the internet because I get to pick the length of the workout, I can pause and hold the pose for as long as I want, finish early if I need to, or start another video if I want. It’s so accessible and flexible

It was after the birth of my second baby I found my current favorite, Sarahbeth yoga. I was googling postnatal yoga when I found her. There was no going back. I now have her open in browser tabs on my phone and my tablet. I’m subscribed to her YouTube channel, I get her emails in my inbox. She has an app, which I just discovered and am checking out. She also has an annual membership that is loaded with more content. I’ve never tried it, but having done so many of Sarabeth’s routines over the years, I’m sure that it’s fantastic. If I did want to upgrade, that’s where I’d put my money.

My yoga journey will probably continue to evolve. Maybe I’ll return to a class someday. I did go to one class at a gym after having my daughter, and while it felt great to be in a dimly lit, open space, (just thinking about it now sounds delightful!), I really didn’t find it worth the time or effort to juggle going to a class and figuring out schedules and childcare. I still feel the same for the most part, especially when I could do it from home with great results.

So I guess I share all of this to say that you don’t have to be “all or nothing”. You can take the pieces that you love about fitness and make your own beautiful, evolving puzzle. And sometimes healthy habits are formed slowly, incrementally over time. They don’t always have to be big monumental decisions or turning points. They can be small motions forward on a greater fitness journey. Wherever you are today, congratulations for being there. Whatever thing you’re finding that you love- yoga or swimming or Zumba- you can find a way to fit it into your life if you want to. And have fun figuring out the next pieces, even if they don’t fit in the box.

Namaste, kind of 💕.

Resources:

• ExcerciseTV Zen In Your Den https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3qyKsrYvBo

• Sarah Ivanhoe 2 yoga workout DVD https://www.amazon.com/Crunch-Perfect-Yoga-Workout-Fat-Burning/dp/B00005NQGR

• SarahBethYoga by SarahBethYoga yoga channel (you can find links to her app here too) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-0CzRZeML8zw4pFTVDq65Q