Three years!! After a day full of running allllll the errands and doing allllll housework as September started and life felt “slightly” back to “normal”, while somehow completely changed💗(If you do the math, maybe you’ll remember too )
I was driving down the road, looked down at my hands on the steering wheel, and this ring was gone.
I had just gotten it as an anniversary gift a few short months before. The cold temperature change as summer began to draw to a close clearly showed that it didn’t fit.
It has gone flying off and out of my hands somewhere along the way that day.
(Again, like so much that year.)
Now three years later (almost) while taking time to organize a few things, as always, in short, stolen minutes that are always still surrounded by family, I sorted and purged kind of casually, reached into the bottom of my unmentionables drawer, and there it was.
I didn’t even recognize it at first.
And when I did I gasped out loud. The ring I had thought was lost was just sitting there, hidden in a drawer that I use all the time.
The same drawer that I told my friend I’d clean out four or five months ago. The one that still had nursing bras in and it made me laugh out loud just to remember.
“I don’t have time” is always a response but never a reason.
I don’t want to really is.
So what it is that you don’t want to do right now but want to want to do? Maybe stop wanting and just do it.
You might find just the right thing. Something you thought was lost. Something that gives a nod and celebrates both what has passed and what’s still to come.
Something that didn’t fit for a while.
Was it a manuscript? A dream? A career? A pursuit? A longing? A person? That you forgot, and forgot how, to love. That you set aside, thought that you might never find again. But now here it’s where your heart sings, as it comes back again.
You see what was lost was really not. Just found and set aside For another day Like today,
But now it ✨fits ✨and even more is timed, perfectly. (Or just about perfect, because, really what is perfect , anyway, but what already IS.)
Can wait to hear what you thought was “lost” and that you find too.
To plant what needs watering To build what needs you love.
Even though you might have to leave it Every once in a while- to travel, or for sickness.
Even though rains might come, or might not. Though sun may scorch, Birds might bend, Bugs might break. To start anyway, what might seem so Valuable and vulnerable.
Planting limp greens first, only to see flowers shoot up and stand tall. Right where those tired greens once were.
Now they stand at attention In happy, commanding way.
Then one afternoon storms come, And they are mostly laid bare, Bent by wind and pummeling rain. I don’t wish I hadn’t planted. I don’t wish I had enjoyed them more. I did, both, happily. I just wish that nothing good Would ever have to end.
I know that is not possible Or probable. But still I pine For endless days And sun-soaked summers, For tall and fearless blooms.
I know they will come again next year. I know they will bloom, again. All will be made right- in my life, or after, Even if not in this garden.
I know it will be.
Yes, isn’t it strange, To tend to what cannot tend you back, To love what cannot seem to stay, but blesses in it own way and turn, just the same.
To be able to give life to something that No one else can understand, To plant a tender seedling or more, with your own two grubby hands.
To be dirty and delighted By the very same thing That doesn’t have words to ask for What it really needs, But needs, just the same. Just the same as you.
It’s a curious thing, To give your time and attention To things that will someday go, Only in tender, loving hopes that also it will grow.
Summer started as it usually does around here now, at somewhat breakneck speeds. It comes swiftly as a camp bus cruising around the corner, rolling in off of a busy May and a pretty stellar June. Exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time, this summer comes in like theme park ride kind of way.
The first few days were pre-set with some activities we didn’t choose, necessarily, but also don’t say no to. We love them, indeed, with all of their sticky sweet summerness. Do you feel this pull sometimes? Like a dripping popsicle, you try to keep up and somehow have more than a little of its juice running down your arm.
But then it’s suddenly a full week since school let out before you can even unpack the kids’ backpacks, or sit and breathe, to make any other solid plans, when in fact, you know it’s been A TIME. You know you’ve had A TIME.
Then you have to plan the rest of yours.
I almost said “get to.” But there’s really no privilege here, no presupposed leisure feel to any of this. There’s lots of “should” and a few “could”s and a rather large smattering of “desperately need to”s.
There’s no telling at first either, how much you can really get done-how many projects of your own you can tackle, how many neglected corners of the home you can set right, and how many adventures you can possibly have together, now that you’re all “home”.
Don’t forget those dreams of lazily reading a book under a tree, and swimming lessons, and those friends you thought you might see during this endless stretch of time and imagination.
But it’s not endless. It’s roughly eight weeks, and give or take a few, it also means approximately a million dishes, seven thousand meals and fifteen hundred thousand loads of laundry. Ha! Not really, but it can feel like it.
Look, I’m not trying to complain, I’m really not. It’s just that sometimes when you have “all the time” you begin to think that you should do “all the things” and that’s just not really true.
That’s all this thing is really, a race against time, and you want so much for it to slow down so you can savor it. For even and when the seasons change, there’s no telling if things will in fact be any different for you than they were in the past, unless you do something different
All I knew as this season changed into a new one, was this one phrase that came to me. “Before screens, make something, play something, read something, pray something.”
Not unsurprisingly, I had felt the pull to set down my own habit of social media, which had indeed grown into a nasty HABIT of less-than-worthy or admirable proportions.
Neither time nor resources are infinite. So we must decide differently, or it’ll all be the same. That’s a hard thing to do, but so necessary. We must choose how to wisely spend these precious commodities-our time and attention- or whittle them all away, we most certainly will.
So we (or I rather) started summer with only this thought. Of all we would set down, those habits and defaults that would only lead us to more of the same frustrations. Now instead, we began to open up to more good ones, to more space, and hopefully, to more ability to feel alive, and with more awareness to be grateful.
Thing is, I feel called to write, to share, all the things. But just because it’s “meant for me” doesn’t mean that right now it’s “for me”. I felt the tug for a while but didn’t want to. It usually feels life-giving to me to be able to share what God has put on my heart. But it had begun to feel like there were diminishing returns, and even though I plugged away (I feel that I’m here to serve, not be served!), I finally knew in my heart that God was pulling me away for a season. This was a season to be together with family, more focused and less on any screens. This was not just some vague idea for me, it was a gentle invitation from God, to set it down for a while. Knowing that at some point He’d probably have me pick it back up, with greater grace and to greater impact too. All because I was, willing to lay it down.
The other day as we were walking out to the car. I watched my son struggle with some packages that I had asked him to help me carry. It was just a few small, unbreakable packages, just his size. My hands were absolutely full (momlife!) and I realized that his were blessedly free. So I gave him some of the load to share. Teamwork is the dreamwork, isn’t it?
(As a side note, but not really a side note, we are now at that age where we can ask our kids to help in small and meaningful ways, as we should. They can, indeed, help us. It’s really not a right or a privilege of parenthood, it’s our responsibility- to help teach them, well, responsibility.)
But as I watched him struggle, he was becoming exceedingly frustrated. He was wondering how he could in fact open the car door whilst holding both these two packages and the small precious item he had already been holding before I gave them to him. He was, however, missing something.
The very simple knowledge and understanding yet maybe, that he could set them down for a minute, while still being in obedience, in order to open the door. And not only that, I said to him, repeatedly, “just put them down for a minute so you can open the door. You can do it! It’s okay!”
And I saw in that moment, that this is me.
Sometimes and, sometimes, repeatedly, I have refused to see the simple act of setting it down for a minute is not actually disobedience. It’s taking a break just to go forward. I think I must actually carry it- the thing that God has given to me to carry or accomplish- at every moment, or else I’m not really carrying it at all.
Motherhood. Logistics. Business. Career. Family obligations. They aren’t all meant to be carried by you alone at all times. It’s okay to set something down for a minute, just to manage, to open the door, to continue the mission.
Is this you too? You think that you need to hold all the things for all the moments and then you wonder why you can’t get anything done. Maybe you, like me, need to step back for a minute, see how ridiculous this is, how impossible.
We are, sons or daughters, trying to hold all of the things by ourselves, instead of letting ourselves have the courage to let go of something for a minute.
I think that’s why the situation with my son struck me so hard. Because not only am I that child sometimes too, but I also know from watching and observing that frustration and complaining are never the answers.
By refusing to set down the struggles, refusing to let go of overwhelm, we are refusing to choose being grateful instead of frustrated. It’s an actual choice, and the lie that we can tell ourselves when we’re in the situation is that feels too heavy.
We become frustrated that we can’t do it exactly as we’ve been trying because we fail to see that we’ve already been invited to do it differently.
Doing something different requires you to actually *do something different*, not just transfer the same you and your (very) tired ways into, and through, the next open door.
Maybe God just wants us to lay it down for a minute, to have a breather, have a new season, walk through that open the door, and then pick it back up to cross though. But if we refuse to listen and set some things down, we will always have these same frustrations, the exact same spirit, and thereby, the exact same outcomes.
I have, felt more grateful. I have been writing less and living more. We have had some grand adventure days and some wise, carefree or organizing days. We have chased sunsets and summer fun, everything in between. But not like I tend to do, and not in an overwhelmed , harried way, fearing all that choosing and how one thing leads to another. (Like how adventure leads to more laundry, and more laundry leads to less adventure, etc etc, on and on in continuum.) I know that some of the changes have happened by taking some of the stress that’s caused by screens away, even if not fully, and even if it was not excessive to begin with (at least for the kids.). It was a subtle but important shift for us.
If you feel overwhelmed or burnt out right now, ask yourself, what can you really set down? It doesn’t have to be big, and it’s a lie that might come up to say you can’t set anything down. There’s always some life-giving and honoring way that you could set some things aside in order to care more about what matters most.
Try it. See how it feels.
Maybe it’s worry, or complaining, or overwhelm.
Maybe it’s social media, or half of your to-do list.
Maybe it’s some supposed plans that you made or an unrealistic expectation or that other round of golf or lessons or painting class.
Maybe it’s taking a step back for a season, just to reset, and try again when you’re ready to. Maybe it is, “summer break” after all?
It also doesn’t mean that what you set down right now means you don’t have to carry it at all. It just means that you don’t have to carry it *right now*.
Like my son was struggling at the door, so was I a bit standing at the door of summer. But now, I have heard His voice, inviting me to what’s better.
I feel more space, and it’s not because I hired a laundress or a cleaning lady or anything like that. I still have the same, potentially overwhelming amount of “things” to do without feeling so overwhelmed. Because of one simple shift, one small thing to let go of, I have not drowned in the regular way with the usual thing. I have stayed more afloat. Which has opened us up, strangely, to so much more goodness, too. (I have even gotten ahead in a few small corners!)
I have chosen to pause and see the opportunity instead of the obligation. To see the beauty of all that God has handed to me, instead of feeling the burden of trying to hold it all together. Because I don’t. He does. He has handed me a few precious packages, but I don’t need to carry everything simultaneously, all the time, not the full load.
I mean, summer has always been kinda amazing, and this one is no exception. But, while shutting the door to struggle, we have opened it up to even more efficiency and calm. I realized (again) that complaining about something is not fixing it, it’s only adding to it. Yet, there’s always *something* that can be done better, just by starting with one, or in one small way. I’ve opened myself up to doing better just by, well, choosing better.
Not perfection, but lack thereof and contentment in what really is good already.
I can and only must do my best on any given day, and nothing more.
I can leave the rest for later, for another day.
And I can set aside the bad stuff, like guilt and shame, which are not meant for me, more permanently.
He gives only GOOD gifts, and so, I will carry them well. I will rest when I need to, I will walk through every open door, and with gratitude and not with overwhelm.
It’s His heart for me, after all, and for you too.
Someday we will pine for these summer vibes. Those waterpark slides and Tender sunburnt lines. Days soaked in bitter/ Sweet Lemonade brines. Funny opines of these kids of mine And yours.
The mad dash between rains, The way your heart sways, The things their lips say. And the way they see the world, Like everything’s new.
The way the band played, How we danced and we swayed, all those curls on display, in summer.
We’ll know then, That we gave it our all, Everything that we had. On Sundays or Tuesdays, in summer, whenever we were together.
When the air was so sweet and our skin was so hot. Just longing for cool breeze, In summertime.
When they were so little. Requests for stuffies and carries, for snuggles, and fun. For everything we could give. Adventure and love.
Sometimes it’s a bucket list. Sometimes it’s a chore list. This summer, for us, it’s a checklist.
We woke up to the first day of summer break last week and after all the goodness that the end of the school year brought, it was a welcomed break. However, moments into that glorious reprieve, almost immediately upon waking and realizing what opportunity lay before them, my kids asked for a show.
As much as I like a good soft morning wake up and cuddle, while they can relax and I can continue to write, the thought of spending each morning doing that first just didn’t sit quite right with me. Trust me, I love be cozy in the morning, too . But I couldn’t quite stomach the thought of that being our daily, morning go-to. It makes it harder yo get started sometimes and I wanted less hoops to jump over , especially if they might end up making things harder in the long run (as screens tend to do.)
So before I even had time to think about it, a few simple ideas and a phrase flew out of my mouth, and thus became our mantra for summer.
Before screens, first take some time to make something, time to play something, read something, and pray something.
Now I’m not going to lie. I’m not this smart, so I think it was a God idea. And I have to admit, it was a very good one. Quickly we are seeing the benefits.
How do we make it work? Well first of all, I’m not going to, at any point, “time” any of this. It’s not supposed to be rigid or strict. This is about creating space, not creating stress.
As far as the reading goes, they will be tracking minutes for a library fun challenge. They can use this morning time to add to those minutes, but there’s no part of this morning routine that requires you to hit a certain mark. It’s more about cracking open a book as a habit and a default rather than a screen. They can read a chapter, or a paragraph, together or alone, out loud or in their own head. The point isn’t about the quantity, the point is to start with some quality.
As for praying, I don’t care how much they pray, or where. I don’t need to hear their prayers (though sometimes I’ll ask out of curiosity, as a touchpoint, a part of a conversation.) But it’s not about me judging them or them even judging themselves. It’s just about starting the habit of taking time to personally talk to God. Besides, what on earth is better than that?? (Answer in our house: nothing!)
The idea of “play something” and “make something” are closely related, though not exactly the same. Playing could be playing a board game together, playing with Legos or dolls by themself, playing the piano, or playing a game of make-believe. As a side note, my kids have developed an intricate, ongoing series of make-believe and I love to listen in and hear how and what they come up with. They refer to it as “the game we play every morning”, though “many mornings” is most accurate. It makes my momma heart swell with joy.
“Make something” could be building a ship or a town out of blocks or Legos (see the overlap), coloring a picture, baking, writing a letter, casting a play. Really anything that’s creative. Honestly, sometimes I’ll give them a pass on either “make” or “play”, depending on the day, how motivated or creative they are. They are both open to interpretation, and while doing both is highly encouraged before moving on with their day, doing at least one is not optional. Doing the other two- pray and read- are definitely not optional either.
The thing is, they love if now as much as we do!
It has been such a life-giving experience, for both kids and grown ups alike. As you can imagine, they’ve started playing together more. It’s made it easier to get over the morning slumps and to get moving in a positive, thoughtful, and creative way in our day, because we already stated it in that way.
This really could work for kids of all ages, even including teenagers. You could add physical exercise or fresh air if you wanted, too. Though for us it’s a given, so we didn’t need to add it to the list. This summer checklist is supposed to act like a springboard for us eventually going outside.
This is not something that I choose to “police” as much as guard and encourage, and that works for everyone. Perfection is not the goal. A healthy, life-giving habit for body soul and spirit is the aim.
Once you create this rhythm in your home too, you’ll see how wonderful, healthy, and worth it is. When a habit is created, it’s so much easier to enjoy the benefits of it too.
Happy summer, friends!
Use it well, because it alllll matters, so much! ☀️🙌🏻
I like to spend the present so filled up with what’s happening that I say that I have no room for holding regret.
I used to lug diaper bags and thought that awkward phase might be over. But now it’s practice bags and dinner for long practices and a change of clothes for big exciting experiences . And I still try to fill up my mind and heart and hours being so present.
Then I will see a picture, read a post, from a few years ago and about those I love, and my heart will just about burst.
I never want to stop learning. I never want to stop loving. They cannot be separated.
So as much as I want to live with no regrets, if we are growing and able to adjust and change, we will always find new and better ways to love.
Love is a journey that lingers -or speeds- along the road of life. I don’t want to miss today’s green pastures any more than I hope that I didn’t miss last years. Or the years and decades before that. But than can only happen if I stop counting so much of yesterdays -the things and happenings around it all.
I think the one thing that will never change is the realization that there’s always more room for love. There’s always more room for giving it and living with and in it, and then giving it away. So no matter what changes, that never will. That will always inspire us to dig deeper, to go further- in the ways that best matter, today. So let’s let it be love, friends. Don’t spend so much time looking for where it’s not, or it’s missing. Look to fill up all of the cracks you stumble upon. With love. All the bumps on the roads that you travel. All the people that you bump into along the way. All the ones you’re across from and around. Love them with ferocity. Which means, friend, that you’ll have to forgive them -and yourself- a lot.
In order to keep loving, you’ll have to try again.
The only cure to regret is loving so well and much and genuinely today that you don’t have time to worry.
Because when you “do”that kind of love, when you receive it from Heaven yourself, snd you allow it to flow with such velocity through you, you will have no chance to worry.
Because you start understand. That it’s not about what didn’t happen yet, but what can be RIGHT NOW. That can- and does- make all the difference.
Then love will flow like a river, And sweep away all debris. And all that will be left, Is who you were all Meant to be.
Hey, I'm Courtney, a pretty ordinary girl who thinks we've all been called to an extraordinary life and love story with God. I'm passionate about family, faith, motherhood, and the adventure of every day. I write lots of words, mostly because I can’t help it- and I think it's one of the things I was born to do. I hope that something I write encourages you, to walk in your own unique purpose and calling, set free to love and give it away, starting wherever you are today. That's what Courting the Extraordinary is all about. Finding the good all around you, and giving it away. Finding, too, the God of all goodness who wants to walk with you.
I love quiet mornings, coffee, prayer and “work” before sunrise. Quality time with my family is my jam. I can be found grinning ear to ear when we're out on an adventure. Whether that's in our own backyard or exploring someplace new all-together, I’ll for sure note something beautiful about nature aloud-and maybe repeatedly, ha!. Life is a beautiful, precious gift, and an adventurous path to travel! We might as well learn how to love.
Hey, I'm Courtney, a pretty ordinary girl who thinks we've all been called to an extraordinary life and love story with God. I'm passionate about family, faith, motherhood, and the adventure of every day. I write lots of words, mostly because I can’t help it- and I think it's one of the things I was born to do. I hope that something I write encourages you, to walk in your own unique purpose and calling, set free to love and give it away, starting wherever you are today. That's what Courting the Extraordinary is all about. Finding the good all around you, and giving it away. Finding, too, the God of all goodness who wants to walk with you.
I love quiet mornings, coffee, prayer and “work” before sunrise. Quality time with my family is my jam. I can be found grinning ear to ear when we're out on an adventure. Whether that's in our own backyard or exploring someplace new all-together, I’ll for sure note something beautiful about nature aloud-and maybe repeatedly, ha!. Life is a beautiful, precious gift, and an adventurous path to travel! We might as well learn how to love. 