Happy “You Nears”

Happy New Year! Happy You Nears! No, that’s not a typo. It’s my new mantra!

My daughter accidentally said “Happy YOU NEARS!” to me yesterday afternoon on NYE. It was a rare mix up for such a vocabulary-rich five year old, and it was too cute to correct. (It was familiar, along the lines of her mistakenly saying “You Nork City” when she was three and a half and we took at trip to the Big Apple.) I actually think that her slip up was kind of poignant and it really struck me as I was just that day, the last day of the year, processing the change of the calendar. Let me tell you why.

Because the best dream destination you could set for yourself is not even a destination as much as it is a journey to becoming your best self possible.

Let me explain by starting at the beginning. Or actually, the ending of the year. (Same, same. All beginnings are endings, all endings have a new beginning.). I was starting my last day of the year the way I like to start every day, new decade not withholding. I went for a run after an unusual late sleep in, and was now thoroughly turning my attention toward to New Year.

*See, this seems to be how I roll, in life in general and heading in to a new year. I’m sucking the marrow out of the present and don’t rush ahead to the next. I’ll be at the beach or the pool the last day it’s open for the season, I try to sneak in one last snowman building session with the kids as the snow melts, I squeeze in one more minute at the playground than we should, one more hug at bedtime.

Same goes for Christmas. The week between Christmas and New Years I’m always still neck deep in celebrating with out of town family, and even if I wasn’t I think I’d be searching for Christmas lights and magic, eking every bit of magic out of the season. This year was no exception. We said our many family goodbyes and settled back into regularly scheduled programming at home at just about the same time for pulling out a fresh notebook, putting goals down on the page and champagne on ice.

It just seems especially crazy to me how New Years falls one week after the most beautiful, special (and emotionally loaded, draining and sometimes demanding) holiday of the year. Maybe you’re like me, or maybe you start looking ahead long before. But I often feel like I don’t have much time for looking back. The train barely slows down before screeching into the station for next year’s boarding.

I wanted to end the year the way I wanted to start tomorrow, and that seemed even more important. So this was my chance, that last day, as I’m about to start the next thing, that I can most fully can look ahead.

I felt on my run maybe like some of us do in the new year. Not sure what it would hold, but knowing I had to get something good going. The new year is, with all of the intentions and resolutions, hopes, goals and dreams, a bold reminder that we can steer the ship of our lives where we want them to go. I had to get a good “first-footing”, run a few miles, shake off the dust and get going. I was thinking I’d probably push myself to my general minimum of three.

I wasn’t sure how it might shake out, but forward progress is forward progress. Even if it’s slow, or messy or uninspiring. It’s better than sitting on the couch.

So I started the day, the month, the year, the DECADE the way I hope to tackle each day that is gifted after this one.

By showing up.

I showed up for my run. For myself. As I intend to show up for my family, and for our dreams.

There will be times that it feels easy and energized. There will be times that it feels muddied and difficult, a slog. You don’t get to decide that part. You just get to decide if you show up. Sometimes it’s a run, sometimes a walk. Sometimes a crawl. Each day that you show up means progress and more possibility.

I wasn’t sure how much I had to give on that morning run, and I wasn’t too concerned about it either way. I just knew that I had to move, that something was better than nothing, and I came to give it what I had to give.

As my mom would say, “I’ll be dipped!” I tricked myself into giving more than I intended.

Three miles would have been fine and great and a blessing (as moving your body always is). But then I tricked myself into DOUBLING it. The three miles became four, which then became five, and then why not a nice rounded out six. I mean, why not spend a full hour of work on myself, for myself, for today, for my future.

It was possible just because I showed up. Which is exactly what I intended to do with this year. Keep showing up. For myself, for my family, for my dreams and our goals.

During the Christmas week, I was feeling low on energy, low on excitement. But I kept doing my best to show up. It lead us to a long awaited first ice skating experience for my daughter. I didn’t have the emotion that would normally seem appropriate for me in that situation, but I tried my best to show up. As my daughter’s ice skating dreams were finally realized on that outdoor rink, I asked her how it felt. “Amazing!” she said with a beaming smile. And wouldn’t you know, I started to feel more excitement and warmth myself. Just because I showed up. Sometimes enthusiasm leads, sometimes it follows. It’s not always an easy follow, but it’s pretty much guaranteed not to follow if you don’t put yourself in the places to connect.

Whether you have goals or not, starting a new day or a new year can seem daunting. You might have big goals or you might not even be sure what goals to set. But let me encourage you, you don’t need to overthink it or psych yourself out. Just get out there and try to make some forward progress. Start by showing up every day for the day, for your life, the best that you can.

Now, I do have some definitive goals for the year, ones that I intend to go after, and, effort-ensuring and God-willing, accomplish. But some days can feel kind of foggy, even sometimes the start. Energies ebb and flow, there’s resistance and challenges. All I know is that in SHOWING UP, progress will happen. By showing up each day, both you and I will get somewhere.

The “where” is different for all of us.

But the universal destination that is available is to become a better version of ourselves. The goals are never about a destination as much as they are about a transformation. The most important transformations that occur are the ones that allow you to break free from your shackles (the past, present or perceived future ones) and become more clearly how you’re meant to be in life. More than anything else, the New Year is reminder, a chance, that this year you can become more completely your very best possible self.

Ed Mylett talks about getting to heaven some day and meeting the version of himself that he could become in the best case scenario. The baddest, bad ass version of himself. Heaven he says, would be getting there and looking an awful lot like the best “Ted” version of himself that he knows he’s capable of becoming. I understand this, on so many levels (in fact I’m married to a quite dashing Ted, so there’s also that!).

I’m not sure what the very best “you” looks like. It’s deeply personal. Maybe you’re strong as Sylvester or as accomplished as your favorite Nobel Peace prize winner. Maybe you’re a published author or an accredited yoga instructor. Maybe you are a calm and patient parent, one who is truly present when you’re with your kids.

Whatever it looks like, it is who you know deep in your heart that you’re capable of being. Even when you look in the mirror and don’t see that most amazing you, it’s the one you know can exist. It’s the one you feel deep in your heart and see in your wildest dreams.

You get a whole year of chances to move closer to your goals this year, and closer to your truest self. You can help close the gap this year between who you are now and who you’re truly meant to be. In the New Year, you can get closer to the very best “you”.

There will be many decision points and choices that you can make each day that help us succeed or slide through, crush or be crushed, live ordinary or extraordinary lives.

Just keep showing up. Even when it’s hard. Even when you’re not sure where you’re headed. (You’re headed to your best YOU!) Even when you’re not sure what you have to give.

The truth is, you always have more to give than you might think. That includes, and even ultimately means, love. Whatever your specific dream goals look like, the more love and kindness and generosity of spirit that you give, the better off you will be. Its one thousand percent true that that love will not only help get you to your goals, it will probably help you do it faster, and definitely in better style.

Love is the grease in the wheels, the filler of the cracks, and the gas in the car. If you can allow yourself to find more chances to love well and love purposefully, you can enrich your journey as well as the journey of every person that is alongside you.

Nothing done in love is ever wasted.

If you can keep showing up for your life and your goals and your family, and loving well even when it’s hard, you’ll surprise yourself. Even when you’re not sure what you have to give, or when your enthusiasm lags after a draining time- Christmas otherwise. Keep showing up.

If you do the best you can with each sunrise, you’ll get somewhere incredible this year. Whether it looks like your dreams or different, you will ultimately find YOURSELF better. The very best version of YOU, NEAR.

Cheers to the new year. The best you.

Xoxoxoxo.