SPILLING the ”seeds” of motherhood

I was just going through my emails and saw  “Ina Garten’s Thanksgiving tips.”

(It felt a little early to me. 🤷🏼‍♀️) 

Then I saw an important email that I missed from about a week ago.  

(That’s being generous) 

Right before this I read from a kids perspective how much their mom says “in a minute” or doesn’t do what they’re asking. Many of the situations sited that they were on their phones. 

Honestly it makes you feel like crud to hear. You know some kids have it bad. You know you have it no worse, but also sometimes probably not much better.  

I think many of us know that we go, trigger finger to the phone, much too fast.  

And still we miss things. Important emails, special requests, and deadlines. Projects go on, and we try to keep up, trying to play catch up. Everything happens on these phones.  

Calendars, reading, connection, creating.  

Maybe you’re like me. You don’t watch tv or listen to the radio. Don’t often enough crack open a book. But you can write one while on this phone. You can read one, too, or an article, or a thought provoking post. I was the kid who read the cereal box, front to back and sideways, including the nutrition facts and ingredients. (Lord I didn’t even know what horrors I was reading or consuming!)  

I get up now, way before my kids so I can do many of these things. And still throughout the day, I go to it, that box of wonders, that phone-good or bad, happy or sad. It’s like a little dopamine box, a magic 8 ball, and sometimes I can’t stop picking it up. 

(That’s really honest.) 

There’s also this.  

There’s so much I could be doing. So much that I’m behind on. And sometimes, the phone is the easiest “while I’m with you” thing to do. I’ll fold laundry or do dishes, too, sure. But while I’m with you and you’re playing barbies or crafting, sometimes something in a way that I can’t quite participate, I need something else to do while I’m there. My brain is active. It’s hard to sit still. Do nothing. I mean I could go bury my head in some closet and clean it out or mop the floor or make a dish. I can and I do all of that sometimes too. You just want me near you though. But too much sitting around like that feels like…. 

a pumpkin, rotting slowly, spilling out it seeds and goo from the inside, out onto the ground. 

(I never watched that movie yet, Inside Out, by the way, but I heard that’s good.) 

I was reminded again today of the miles I can’t run right now. But when we got home from an outing, earlier than expected, I got out for a bike ride. It was beautiful. I hated leaving my family and they’d prefer to have me there cracking open a pumpkin actually, as it were. My sons request to carve one.  

He said “yesterday you said you’d do it!”

And I did actually. We had just come home from a different adventure, an outing that required my full attention. Phone tucked away, except for pictures. Fun was had, and hours later we were back and my son wanted to immediately crack that pumpkin open. 

He came up and caught me in the middle of reading an interesting article. I don’t even remember what it was but do I have to? 

Do I have to justify the validity of my five minutes of down time as a mom? My attention is scattered and high demand but sometimes can’t I just be? Moms handle requests all day long for things. Moms, selflessly do, for most of the time. But I don’t always quite so well or seamlessly or selflessly. 

Yesterday had me feeling this and when my son interrupted my brief reading to ask to carve pumpkins with me (one of my least favorite activities), I sighed. Now, typing this, it doesn’t sound so bad, the carving. Sounds cute really. But I find it to be harder than it sounds and it’s not a terrible activity or anything. It’s just not my favorite jam.  

Now my son would do it all, if he could. But carving a pumpkin is a big job and it requires adult supervision. And honestly if I was going to do it I would want to have fun with it. Just right that moment, with dinner prep looming and having just set foot in the door from an activity, it didn’t sound so hot.  

It all sounds great I’m theory and it’s all fun and games until you get to do it every day, for long periods of time, with lots of other things that require your attention too, like the house, and dinner. Motherhood is indeed a marathon. You can love it and still need to slow down your pace sometimes to accommodate.  

Yesterday I did say no. At first to one small request “can you get off your phone and do this thing, mom?” “Honestly, in a minute. Because didn’t we just spend hours doing fun things? I hear a lot of ‘mom can you help me?’s”

To which my son said “isn’t that what moms do?” 

Sigh. “Yes, it is. You’re absolutely right. It is. But also isn’t mom allowed to rest sometimes and be a person herself, too? I was trying to read something interesting for a minute.” 

Phones are tricky things. Our kids can’t look and know what we’re doing. Not that we have to justify our “down time”. But if they’re asking something and we’re choosing to say a “no” or “in a minute”, it might help them to have some kind of understanding or context. Even if they saw what we were doing, like laundry, they might not appreciate it unless they ran out of clothes and didn’t have something or anything to wear. We all forget what normal life costs us sometimes. It’s a learning curve, indeed. And human nature is innately selfish at times, so it’s a part of my job to remind or explain these truths to them. Lovingly, hopefully. Kindly, I’m sure. 

In my daily sense of fulfilling family duty, I training my child to get what they request every time, no matter how small or big? No. 

Do I feel bad about that sometimes? Yes. 

But do I believe I’m also teaching my children to learn that later isn’t always a bad word. To be resilient while they wait. To know that they’re loved while they wait? Yes yes and yes.  

Might the think it feel that mom is being mean or mom is selfish or mom is rude? Maybe. But if I am communicating to them well, maybe not. Hopefully not. They will know that they’re loved and chosen, even if I chose not to do something just as and at the time they asked.  

I have to consider at times: Am I trading my ability to rest or pursue something for my child’s ability to never hear no? Is no really such a bad word, really?

So no, we didn’t carve pumpkins that day.  

But today we did. And as we did, after my bike ride, and after dinner was already coming (I hadn’t shopped yet this long weekend. See also -#qualitytime. The mom juggle is real folks. There’s no denying how many decision it takes, even more if you’re trying to do it well.) 

We listened to teachings about saints.  

So many faced senseless or at least tragic deaths. But they carried, too, great life.  

As my son and I picked out the pumpkin seeds, to eat later, and my daughter sat coloring and listening beside us, I couldn’t help but see the correlation.  

Turns out, the carving wasn’t so bad. It was hard to get it going, but we did it. There was delay, and then muscle required. But my son was a delight. I was (eventually) happy to bear witness and participate. I did accidentally throw out the top and then have to go retrieve it out of the trash I had just taken out. Fail number one. And then those pumpkin seeds that we do carefully pulled out did end up getting knocked over off the counter and went scattering all over the kitchen floor and a little bit on the table. But no one got too upset, and together, we cleaned it up.) 

We continue on and I can’t help but think about it. 

“Saints lives are kind of like these pumpkins. They’re broken open and the seeds of their faith and love go on, and bring new life to others. This pumpkin’s undoing is a hundred other pumpkins’ chances at life.”

Motherhood is lot like all of this…. Harder than it looks. Messier, trickier, but full of life and potential, and only sometimes, spilled all over across the floor. Not sainthood, perhaps, nor am I even close on most day. (Quite the opposite in fact.) But requiring a lot.  

Just like I reminded my kids, though. Sainthood, what made someone to be identified as a saint is not for a few of those who have gone before us. It was because of their beautiful hearts, kind souls, and close connection with the Lord that their lives were marked, spilled out, and brought life. 

Sainthood was service of the highest call.  

And that my friend, is available for any of us. Not to be canonized. But to be made more beautiful. to become more-beautiful, in expression, from the inside, out. To live a life of service and love, right where we are.  That sounds like a tall order.  A messy order. But it’s also a lovely one.  

Now, don’t get me wrong. It feels very messy. It feels very bad sometimes.  But the fact that it’s hard- to do, to choose, to navigate- doesn’t make it less sacred. The fact that it looks messy doesn’t make it less beautiful or valuable. It makes it even potentially more-so. The fact that it cracks you open, and tries you and tests you-even pours you open a bit? That means it is sacred, and holy. And whatever comes out? Well, let it be love.  

“Holy and acceptable. A pleasing offering in Your sight God.”

It doesn’t mean that you lay down your life to a point of detriment, to yourself or to them. Telling your kids “not right now” or maybe later, doing other things,shouldn’t be filled with guilt. Not like it can be for me at least. And especially when it’s explained, at least a little.  

Even as I’m typing this I’m thinking of all the ways I say yes over and over and all the guilt I feel for the no’s is beginning to dissolve a little. Those moments of frustration, they are temporary. Then again, I have another choice. Then again, I love. Over and over. Not perfectly, but in a messy, spill-your-soul-out-like-pumpkin-seeds, kind of way.  

The requests keep coming, Mom, and you don’t have to say yes to every single one. You can be guided by love in a way that means sacrifice for you at times,  and guidance at times for them.  But you do get to say yes to so many things, most of all love.  Or you might miss out on the life giving-ness of it all. The joy of being poured out.  

Anyone else with me? 

Maybe this should stay among friends. 

(But you can share with yours.)

You are not alone in this fabulous, messy, wonderful thing called motherhood 🙏🏻💗.

#keepup #messyseeds #pouredput #forgetgetahead #keepgiving #keepyourheadabovewater #todaysyesisyesterdaysholdon