Watering What Matters

I am a habitual plant killer.  Ask my husband.   A BEAUTIFUL, GREEN plant, maybe even flowering, will arrive at our house.  I will look at it with love, hope, and possibility.   It’s beauty is a gift and having it in our home will delight me. I will welcome it with joy and long for it to stay, however it has arrived, either as a gift or a hopeful purchase of my own. The sad truth is, however, that I will inevitably, slowly, and carefully kill it.  I will not actually try to do it. Obviously. But I will anyway.   

    How? The usual way.  Slow death by lack of sufficient water.  I will fail to care for it.

But why? If I’m so happy to have it in my home, like I said, then why can’t I make the leap from HOPING it will thrive to actually HELPING it thrive, by giving it what it needs?

    Here’s the funny part. At work, I do it well.   It’s one of my acquired jobs to care for the plants, and guess what.  They’re gorgeous.  I pretty much rock it there.  I’m not 100%, as there have been *a couple* losses, but I have done some amazing things. I’ve helped keep a few large beauties alive for more than seven years and I once revived two failing peace plants which had been teetering on the edge of complete death, bringing them back to vibrant and flowering! Major wins. Why? Because it’s my job.  I actually took it upon myself as a task. I decided to make the time to care.

At home,  where I can’t quite seem to get “keeping green things alive” on my task list, I have to think about why. Not only have I not made watering them a regular rotation on my schedule, if I’m being honest, I just don’t even think about it all that much.

  I don’t actually see them most days. Not REALLY see them. I kind of notice them, but I overlook them AS THEY ARE. (For heavens sake, if I actually looked at them, I’d notice that they’re shriveling up and practically screaming for help.) I love to see them, but by not actually noticing THEM, I’m ironically not loving them. I’m choosing not to CARE about them, and certainly not for them. I guess I take them a for granted.  They’re just there. But there now doesn’t mean that they’ll always be there. Because the things around you are either growing or dying. In my life, I’m a participant in that process, consciously or not.

It makes me think, what else do I love, maybe even fiercely, and yet do not properly notice, and therefore, water? In my heart, in my home?  Does anything need to be noticed? How are my relationships? How are my children, my marriage? My creativity? My health? Have I stopped and NOTICED these things, these people lately? Have I done it yet today?

Life is not static, homes and relationships are not static, people are not static. Plants, too. (We were talking about plants, weren’t we? There I go forgetting them again.) All of these things are changing, growing, and using resources. They need nutrients and sometimes a little extra love. Most assuredly, something in your life needs a little extra watering and love right now. It changes on a rotating basis. Which is why checking in is so important.

So here’s my super simple guide to caring for your plants, your self, and your loved ones.

1- Look around and notice what’s in your life. See what’s thirsty. (See, simple)

2. Ask yourself if that thing is important to you.

This is the most crucial step and the biggest step. This is where we decide. Am I keeping this alive (or failing to, but thinking I should) because someone said that I should? Or because I want to?

How go you feel when you look at it? Do you feel enough love to want to invest time into it and water it? Then proceed to step three. (But also, read on, just in case.)

Do you feel guilty when you notice the brittle leaves and the sagging state of it? Even if you have played a part in it, and you’ve had a hand in its mediocrity, you have to let the guilt go. It’s okay and important to notice that, but guilt should not be your driving force. Here, or anywhere. It can act as a guide, pointing out the signs in your heart, but it’s not the boss.

If you let go of the guilt, and there’s nothing left there, no love or affinity or hope for the future, then you need to let that plant go! Let me say right here, if you don’t have a connection or an affinity to the thing, then skip all the next steps. Find a new home for that plant, put the bulbs away maybe for another season, or simply go ahead and throw it away. (Sorry if that offends you! Just keeping it real.)

The truth is, life’s too short to spend time watering things that aren’t that important to to you. You have to put in the time to care for what’s in your life, so if you don’t actually care about the thing, stop feeling guilty about it and say goodbye. (This also works well for meetings you don’t really need to go to, tasks that you think you should do like organizing your spice drawer, less-than-life-giving hobbies or toxic friendships, and that book you’re having trouble finishing.) Go ahead and take it off the shelf of your life. Done. Let go of the misspent time, energy and guilt. It may be only ten minutes here, or twenty minutes there, but those minutes add up. If your to- do’s are not lined up with what you value, it’s just busy work. And worse, it’s taking your time away from what’s more important, and it’s taking up room on a shelf where something else needs to go. “Don’t give first rate effort to second rate causes.”

3- Care for it.

You’re going to need to start with the simple act of watering it, obviously. Start now. Grab the watering can and share some love. Is your creativity thirsty? Grab a book, go walk outside and look at nature, or turn on some music that inspires you. Was it a relationship? Reach out to that person with a phone call, a hug, a touch on the shoulder. It doesn’t have to be complicated and in fact it shouldn’t be. The truth is, it’s so simple usually, that you feel kind of embarrassed that you haven’t done it yet lately.

After that first water today, notice how you feel about that. Then plan for next time.

Maybe you need to set an alarm on your phone that reminds you twice a week to actually water your plants. Was your daughters confidence the thing that was thirsty? Make a plan to give her one complement before she leaves for school every day. It can be simple but it should be specific. About who she is, the things she does.

Maybe you need to set an alarm on your phone to kiss your wife at 7pm every night. Does that sound crazy? It’s only crazy if it doesn’t work. And if it works for Brendon Bouchard… (Seriously, the man who wrote High Performance Habits does this.) It’s so simple, but the reality of life is that we get carried away with a thousand urgent tasks and we sometimes forget to do the most important ones. You need to remember to do the important stuff, no matter how silly it may seem. It can literally be life giving.

Here’s a side note. You may not always LOVE the watering part (like making lunch for the family again, making room in your schedule for someone else’s needs, or patiently listening when you kind of wish you weren’t). But even if the task of watering or encouraging is hard in the moment for you, you can remember that you love the thing (or person) enough, and you can find a way to help it flourish.

4- Repeat in continuum.

Life keeps changing and what seems so thirsty today might be thriving and need a little less water next week. (Something else will take its place don’t worry.) That’s why it’s so important to check in. Again, keep it simple for your brain. Just notice, and then water.

Remember, this is not about doing more, it’s about doing what matters.

Even when you mess up or forget, refer back to the steps: Notice (again), Asess (again), Choose (again), Plan (and maybe it needs tweaking), Repeat (again and again, with improvements.). Because life need continued watering. You may as well put your time and energy into the things that you really care about.

So maybe take a minute today take a little inventory what’s your home what’s in your life it looks thirsty? What would you rather see thriving? Is it a plant, a relationship, your creativity or fitness? A closet or your calendar? Go water it. And by water, I mean love. You’ll be so amazed and even a little proud when you see those plants (and people) start to perk up, green and vibrant again.

So you can find me over here trying to water my people, my marriage, my home, my dreams, while simultaneously sneaking a few things into the bin, tossing them what’s not a priority, making more room for what is. right now. It could also be noted that I’m also keeping one plant alive in my kitchen. For now.