Annoyed Is Not Enough

Frankly, last night I was annoyed.

Annoyed that I had to be reading, scouring through the hundred pages of the new rules that are proposed for New York State. Combing through the legal language and coded words, ones that would directly impact my family.

Annoyed to read the words “expand the department’s oversight”
Annoyed to read about new measures, two years later, for expanded powers of the state to quarantine, contain, and isolate, etc individuals.

Annoyed that I had to trade in time and attention for the very kids whom I was trying to look out for.

Annoyed to see the pictures of the governor maskless with school children, smiling beneath a veneer of teeth and a system that has failed them over and over these past two years. Beyond, really. Who shuttered doors, handed out iPads and kept kids away. Then brought them back with masks, are still masking and want to keep it that way for the foreseeable future. Who want to give shots – on school grounds, if necessary- and call themselves heroes.
A capital that says “we will do everything in our power”, and then continually attempts to keep increasing their powers.

Annoyed that my kids see me annoyed.
Annoyed that we there even is a fight at all.

It makes you wonder sometimes.
What is it that we are even doing.

And then I look at my kids faces.
The ones were masked, swabbed, distanced, and separated more times than we can count over the past two years. Who missed more school than seems possible. (But that part is really alright.) But all, more than really seems justified, looking back, and definitely more than seems justified looking forward.
The ones the state wants to make rules for, more rules, extending to wherever they go.

The ones that like to dress like superheroes.
The ones that like to dream and ask questions.

And then it all makes sense.

They deserve superheroes dressed in regular clothes who dream and ask questions now.
I am not one. We are just parents walking in our superpower. To speak up for and advocate for our kids.
I am not annoyed. I am emboldened.
I am a adamant. Purposeful, yet again.

Yes I am annoyed at parts of it Annoyed to have to keep talking about it, annoyed at the noise and drama of it. Annoyed that some think it’s overreacting. Annoyed that the questions are being called dangerous.

It’s enough sometimes to makes you want to turn it off, shut it down and play Uno. (And we did, we played together, we told stories over dinner. And we did what families do. )

But I will not shut it off completely. Because this is not a game.

No matter what criticism, or what watchful judging stares. >>Because those are not the watching eyes that matter. << Because there is no harm in asking questions; there is only harm in not. Because among other things, <<>>>. All of our kids are. And someday they will have questions about all of this, too.

These kids that dream of being superheroes. That do not belong to the state. They do not belong to us. They belong to God. And we have them only, on loan, by His grace.

I’m going to have to give an account for whatever I did or didn’t do to help them in this world, and for whose side I was on.
It better be theirs, and God’s. Not convenience. Not programs. Theirs.

So no, I guess I am not really annoyed.
Not for having to stand up for them.

That is my right AND privilege.
I do it passionately, but hopefully, with great love.

They deserve us asking questions and they deserve us trying to figure out what’s happening.
These kids deserve the best possible future.
They don’t deserve us handing over their futures to “that will never happen”.
The past is too vigilant in telling its stories of things gone wrong when no one was looking. Of governments growing in control while no one was looking. Playing chess while people played uno.
We shouldn’t turn a blind eye or a deaf ear.
Not this time.

I’ll be over here in my corner doing what I feel I need to, being a voice for their future. Praying like crazy. Telling good stories ourselves, to them. Much like all of parenting, we don’t need to be perfect, we just need to be present and aware .
A watchman for them.

Our kids are too precious to not ask the questions, to not have the discussions, to not scour the data and pages, looking for answers, maybe asking more questions. Speaking up. For them. I applaud those who did it for others, who help to interpret. They are doing good, good work.

Because our kids deserve to tell good stories themselves, a lot of them. Stories of life and love and freedom. Stories that make things right. Superhero stories.

You can do or not do whatever you think, too that’s totally your call. Stare if you want even.

I’ll risk being “wrong” in order to help them live right.