Marriage Advice Sounds A Lot Like Financial advice

This weekend, my brother is getting married. Compatibility has been found between two wonderful people and everyone’s abuzz with excitement. Dresses are hanging in wait, suits are pressed, flowers are gathered and arranged into various bouquets and arrangements, his lovely bride prepares to stun, and he is getting ready to watch her walk down the aisle. As final preparations are made for the big day, I can’t help but think of the road ahead and what I could possibly say to wish them well on their new journey.

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At first thought, after 14 years of marriage, I was going to say, tongue in cheek, “Good luck; I’ve got nothing.” Because marriage is one of those things that the more you experience, the less you know. Marriage is two imperfect people trying to make their way in this world, and each marriage is unique. You realize that time hasn’t made you a teacher or an expert, but rather a continued student. And really, let’s be honest, advice for marriage is like most kinds of advice in life. It’s cheap to give and hard to earn. Usually, you won’t listen until you actually need it. Most of us only truly learn by experience, and it’s difficult to know what particular advice you’ll need for your journey.

There’s lot of advice. You’ve heard about how “the grass isn’t greener on the other side”, or how important date night is. Of course there’s famous one about “don’t go to bed angry.” (Though, that particular one I disagree with wholeheartedly. Sometimes you need to go to bed in order to feel less angry. The rising of a new day sun can bring clarity, mellowed emotions, or new perspective. If none of those, at least there’s the coffee.) There is more advice than you could shake a wedding favor at.

I think of you, brother; you’re actually in the advice business. You are a financial advisor. The more I thought of it, the more it seems that the best marriage advice is not unlike the best financial advice. The best marriage advice I can think of sound more like an overall strategy. A strategy for martial wellness, of sorts. A long term strategy that stands the test of time.

First, think of this as your single most important investment. It’s more valuable than your retirement funds, your 401k, your Roth, your stocks, your bonds, your entire portfolio. It’s diversified and your approach will change with time. The early years might be more aggressive investments, then you might get to a place where your portfolio is a bit more steady. Your marriage will change with these seasons.

Before I was married, it seemed so beautifully simple to me. Love, cook, enjoy. Sometimes it is. But it’s also changing roles, expectations, and life demands. What you think will change, what you need will change, what you think you need will change. Change with it, learn from it. Grow. Grow with it , grow separately, but not apart. Remember, this is your best investment. Like the best diversified portfolio, it’s worth sticking with it.

So with this in mind, I give you this most important, simple piece of advice.

Never stop investing in the account.

Your currency here is love. Love, not just an emotion, but choices and actions. Even on days or weeks or months that you feel that you hardly have anything at all to give, give anyway. Give something. Because your spouse is worth it; your marriage matters. One small act of kindness makes a difference. One dollar invested is better than two thrown to the wind. Sometimes putting away that currency will feel good. Sometimes it will cost you much. It will cost your pride, it will cost your time. It will sometimes cost your agenda. But it is an investment that always always always brings an incredible rate of return.

Also, don’t expect gains if you’re only making withdrawals. Sometimes when you’re not feeling good enough about the account, you should probably actually should ask yourself what you are you putting in there. Could it be kinder, could it be more loving? Could you put in more laughter or more lightness? Could you listen more openly?

Sometimes the market will be up, way up. Sometimes there will be a downswing. Don’t panic. Stay the course. It will survive the ups and downs. Remember, this is a long term strategy. Quick moves, harsh or reactionary tactics will only hamper your growth. Be patient.
Stay the course. This is not a get rich quick scheme, even though right now it does feel like you just won the jackpot. You did. Treat it well. And Just like the market, you don’t lose anything unless you sell.

So the best advice that I have for you is the simplest. The simplest but not the cheapest. Love well. Above all, love. Because as it is said, where your treasure is, there is your heart.

The best accounts put a roof over your head and keep it there; they provide the necessities and hopefully some extras. Marriage will do the same. It will feed you, it will clothe you, it give you a home. It will help facilitate and bring to life the dreams and adventures that are in your heart. It will stand the test of time; it will be there for you when you when you both are old and gray. It will be worth even more than it is even today, all shiny new and beautiful. It will make you truly and completely wealthy in all of the best possible ways.

So yes, good luck. Good luck, invest well, love well, and you will ENJOY great prosperity.

Much love,

Courtney